Bobby Jack Outlaw II

(1984 - 2003)

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Forever my Buddy

Written by B.J. when he was just a little guy.

This song fits B.J. so well...

"Sing A Song"

I want to sing a song for You, Lord
Lord, for You I want to sing a song
And I want to lift my voice to Heaven
And listen to the angels sing along

~~~~~~~~

A song of Your faithfulness
A song of Your grace
And of Your loving kindness
To the glory of Your name

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With everything that’s in me, Lord
Listen to me say
I want to sing a song for You
I want to sing a song

~~~~~~~~

I want to live my life for You, Lord
Lord, for You I want to live my life
I want to praise the name of Jesus
Pray above all things You’re glorified

~~~~~~~~

And I sing about Your mercy
And I sing about Your love
Your goodness, Lord
Your righteousness
I want to sing...

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And we’ll sing holy, holy, holy
We’ll sing holy, holy, holy
We’ll shout holy, holy
Are You Lord almighty

Yes, You are Lord

~~~~~~~~

This Memorial website was
created in the memory of our beloved son and brother Bobby J. Outlaw II. B.J. was born on May 17, 1984 in Ft.Worth Texas. He passed away on Dec. 1, 2003 in Waco Texas at the young age of 19 yrs. He was still living at home with his family in Goldthwaite Texas when Jesus called him to his new home in Heaven.
We will love, miss and remember him always.
B.J. was the best son, brother and friend that anyone could ever ask for. He was loved by everyone that knew him and he brought such joy to us all.
B.J. has three sisters. Amanda is his older sister by one year, Kayla is three years younger than him, and then his youngest sister is Sarah who is nine years younger than him. B.J. has three little brothers, Wayne and Buck (twins) with him in Heaven, and his youngest brother is Johnathan who is seventeen years younger than B.J. "Uncle B.J." has two nephews, one name Elijah born to Amanda on September 2, 2006 that he never got the chance to meet in this lifetime and the other is little Mikey born to his sister Kayla on July 31, 2009.
Then there is his Mama & Daddy that loves him more than life itself and misses him more than words can express. Our hearts will forever be broken since the Lord called B.J. home. He lived his life here for the Lord and now he will live his Eternal life with the Lord.

B.J. LIVED, HE DIED, AND NOW HE WILL LIVE FOREVER!

What a day of rejocing it will be when we join him!

Bobby Jack Outlaw II

B-is for my Buddy.
O-is for Outrageously funny.
B-is for his Beautiful spirit.
B-is for Brother...he was the best!
Y-is for Youth.

J-is for the Joy he brought into my life.
A-is for Awesome!
C-is for Crazy.
K-is for the Kindness he showed to everyone.

O-is for Oh how I love my boy.
U-is for Unique...which he was.
T-is for Thankful he is my son..
L-is for the Laughter he brought to me.
A-is for Always in my heart..
W-is for Wonderful...and he is!

II-is for Second to none in my books!

B.J. is sharing this memory site with his two baby brothers Billy "Wayne" Outlaw and Charles "Buck" Outlaw that were born 3 1/2 months too early on Jan. 26, 1986 and did not survive. Though we did not get to know them like we wanted to, they have always been and will always be very much a part of our lives. We will love and miss them forever. How we long for the day that we get to hold them in our arms for the very first time.
Until we do, big brother B.J. is helping Jesus take good care of them for us. We know they are getting the best of care.

I was looking up at the stars and giving them each a reason why I love you. I was doing great until I ran out of stars.

Billy "Wayne" Outlaw

B-is for Beautiful little one.
I-is for Innocent.
L-is for the Love his Mama has for him.
L-is for his Life that ended much too soon..
Y-is for the Yearning I have in my heart for him.

W-is for the Wonderful little man I know he is.
A-is for Always in my heart.
Y-is for his Yummy little kisses I wish I could have gotten.
N-is for Never ever forgotten.
E-is for Everything I've had to miss out on.

O-is for Oh I can't wait to see him!
U-is for Unique in his own special way.
T-is for his little Toes I want to kiss.
L-is for the Laughter I know he's enjoying with his brothers.
A-is for I wonder if him and Buck look Alike?
W-is for Wonderfully made and oh so perfect.

Charles "Buck" Outlaw

C-is for Chubby Cheeks I want to kiss.
H-is for how I long to Hold my baby boy.
A-is for All the things I've missed.
R-is for Remembering holding him under my heart for almost 6 months.
L-is for my Love for him.
E-is for Eternity that I will get to spend with him.
S-is for he's probably as Silly as his big brother B.J.

B-is for he will always be my Baby Boy.
U-is for I don't Understand why he had to leave.
C-is for the Care I wish I could have given him.
K-is for Knowing he's waiting for me.

O-is for Oh how him and his brother kicked me while I carried them!
U-is for humm...Uncle! He is one you know.
T-is for his Tiny Toes I wanted to count.
L-is for Longing to hold him for the first time.
A-is for Always on my mind.
W-is for the Wiggles I can remember while carrying him and Wayne.

Oh my sweet babies Wayne and Buck Mama was blessed in such a wonderful way today. I was sitting and just thinking about you and all of a sudden I had this awesome feeling of holding both of you...one in each arm. It was the most wonderful feeling. I closed my eyes and I could see me all those years ago holding you. Oh it was so wonderful because as you know I never got to hold you when you were born. And now 23 years later (two days before Mother's Day) I held you for the first time. Some might think I'm crazy but I know I was given a beautiful gift that I'll remember and treasure in my heart always. The feeling only lasted about 5 minutes but during that time I could feel the pressure of you both resting in my arms. When I could no longer feel the weight of you I was sad but I was so overjoyed to have been given the chance I've longed for for so long that the joy outweighed the sadness. As I thought about it I realized that if I would have carried you full term you would have been born around the 8th of May. Do I find this to be a coincident? Not at all. I believe with all I have in me the Lord allowed me those brief moments to hold my babies close to my heart and I will forever be grateful to Him.

Thank you for coming to me and letting me hold you...my heart needed it. I love my boys so much. I always have and I always will.

Love, Mama

You Should Be Over "IT"...But What Is "IT"?

It's been a year, you should be over it. What exactly is "IT"? But do people who have never suffered loss really know what "IT" is? To us, the bereaved...

"IT" is five days after the funeral, and your world caves in with reality of the loss.

"IT" is Thanksgiving Day. trying to find something to be thankful for.

"IT" is Christmas without the merry, and New Years without the happy.

"IT" is your first day back to work when every minute you are afraid you will burst into tears.

"IT" is their birthday, but there is no them to celebrate.

"IT" is Valentine's Day, only this time no hearts and flowers to share with them, and your heart is broken.

"IT" is your birthday, and there is still no them to celebrate it with.
"IT" is springtime when everything comes alive except you, that is.
"IT" is Easter and everyone is singing "Let us Rejoice and be Glad" but there is no rejoicing and no glad in your heart.

"IT" is Mother's Day and you sadly remember how happy being a mother made you feel, or how you rejoiced with your spouse over the birth.

"IT" is Father's Day and you sadly remember how happy being a Father made you feel, or how you rejoiced with your spouse over the birth.

"IT" is the 4th of July and the celebrations remind you just how little you feel you have to celebrate now.

"IT" is vacation time and you just stay home, because there is nowhere to go to not feel so empty.

"IT" is Halloween and you pass out candy, but you remember all the memories of past happy times together and make you sad.

"IT" is seeing milestones in your life progress and pass and your loved one is gone, never to share them with.

"IT" is looking at the moon and wondering if they see the same moon like the two of you always did in the past.

"IT" is receiving the first wedding invitation to their friend's wedding and knowing that life goes on without your loved one. "IT" is going back into that church for the first time and remembering, but not remembering and feeling that all eyes are on you.

"IT" is going to another funeral for the first time and feeling yourself shaking all over, too distraught to stay, but unable to leave.

"IT" is doing all the things you always did, plus all the things you had hoped to do together, and doing it all when all of your energy has been used for grieving.

"IT" is being strong when you really feel weak.

"IT" is dealing With all the legality of estates and such when all you want to do is hibernate .

"IT" is a whole big bunch of stuff you didn't ask for, didn't want and can't even give away.

"IT" is going to the cemetery and seeing the monument with their name or even face. and it hits you in the face that THlS IS REAL!

"IT" is feeling like a traitor when you get rid of their personal belongings.

"IT" is approaching the first anniversary of their death and reliving it all-oh yes, some things might be better but the void is no less.

"IT" is people forgetting and you cry, and people remembering and you cry.

"IT" is a future of unknowns and uncertainties and emptiness. "IT" is in the first glimpse of sunrise and in your last waking breath, and even finds ways to creep into your sleep and your dreams ...

So maybe when someone tells you that you should be over "IT" by now, you should just tell them what "IT" really is!

B.J. loved Dr Pepper, he always had one and if for some reason he didn't you could be sure he was on his way for one.

How you loved your Dr Pepper!

I have lost count at all the times we watched the sunset. We used to go up to the roadside park out by Lometa and watch the sun go down. We used to joke about being able to fly into the sky as the sun was going down. Just a couple of Kids wanting to be superheros!

On the days when it just gets too lonely I think about meeting you at heavens shores. I'm sure when we all get to heaven you will want a raft to float out in the water, and you'll probably fall asleep doing it like you used to.

Buddy I never dreamed that we would have to set you free but that time came and it was the hardest thing we could have ever done.

Oh B.J. I set here and think of all the times we had and all the memories that we made and yet I still wish and long for more of them. If we were to see you now it wouldn't be soon enough, we miss you so much.

We sure were some silly little kids weren't we! We had and still have such a close bond and I know it can never be lost and one day, when God calls us all home, we will be just as silly and loving as ever.

Slideshow

Latest Memories

Happy 27th Birthday Amanda! 3/3/03

Happy Birthday Amanda!
Love your little brothers, B.J., Wayne and Buck

Tommie and Ryan's Wedding 2/24/2010

Well Buddy, I went to Tommie's wedding and she sure made a beautiful bride. I know you would have been proud. Oh but B.J. it was so hard for me to be there. While I sat there waiting for it to start the tears started. All I could think is...you should have been there! Finally I turned around to Sister Mullins and told her to pray for me...then I lost it. She came and sat with me and prayed for me. I'm so glad she did...I didn't think I was going to be able to stay. After she prayed though a peace settled on me and I was able to enjoy it ok. I still wish you could have been there though.

Love you forever, Mama

Our Coming Home Service @ Church 2/21/10

We had a special "coming home" service today at church and it was awesome! From start to finish it was perfect. We got to see the Sellers, the Skeens and the Leonard's that we hadn't seen in a long while. Bret Skeens sang your song "Sing A Song" in memory of you B.J. and I was so blessed. For a little while at least there were at least 113 people that was thinking about you. That's awesome! And then the Leonard's sang "The Anchor Holds" for me and that was awesome too! I just love all those people and it was so good to see them again. This was the first time I was able to see them and not have meltdowns since you left. They were all your special friends B.J. and seeing them has always brought on the tears...but not this time! This time they could rejoice with me that the Lord has brought healing to my heart. Yesterday was one month since the sun started shinning in my world again...and it's still shinning! The Lord is just too good to me! And church was awesome!!! I'm just beside myself!
Oh and Sinjin and Lorna and John got to come!!! Yea for that! Sinjin had a great time and it was so good to see him enjoying himself! Oh the Lords good!

Buddy life is forever changd with you not here but I know you're glad the Lord is finally healing my heart. I love you just as much and I always will. And I miss you more every day...but the Lord is still so good...but then you know that don't you?

Love forever and always, Mama

Kayla Thiesfeld

I could set here and write a sad story or a happy story and someone could come along and read it and be inspired or touched in the heart. The truth is though, I just miss you. I don't want the pitty or the hand on the shoulder, or the call asking if I'm okay. You know why? Because it doesn't matter how much everyone is there for me it will never be the same without you. I have a feeling in my heart, and I hate it. It's so empty and dark, I feel so cold and I'm ashamed of myself. Big girls don't cry...

Life isn't fair nothing about it is, maybe that's why you aren't here with me. And we all know what that means. No more drives around town till it's curfew time. No more sharing Dr Pepper's and butterfingers stashed in the back of the car. No more 3 hour long monopoly games eating cheese fries. No more tying Sarah to poles with scarves. No more of me sneaking into your room after mom and dad had gone to sleep and talking. No more planning crazy things. No more hiking and camping. No more chasing armadillos. No more falling out of trees or coming up with new plans for the next greatest tree house. No more sneeking in the dog through your window, when we knew we weren't supposed to. No more talking about who we had a crush on while we laid on the trampoline. No more playing on the broken race car. No more fighting and having to be made to hug.

If only you knew what I would do just to see you one more time. I wouldn't need a lifetime, or a year, or a month or even a day. Just to see you one more time, in a dream, in my mind, in a picture. What I woldn't give to hear you laugh, to see you sleep, to watch you pray, to run with you, anything. Like I said life isn't fair, why must we be made to grieve?

They will never understand me.

I'm not like them.

I don't want the pitty.

I don't want to be alone though.

I'm stronger now.

I have to be.

I didn't lose you.

You left me.

I hate it.

I love you.

I miss you.

Please just make it end.