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| Mama | My new laptop. 7/20/2014 | July 20, 2014 |
I got a new laptop today
| Mama | Happy 4th of July boys 7/4/2014 | July 5, 2014 |
Oh how I wish you were here. Nothing is ever the same without you even all these years later. 
| Mama | Love Notes to Heaven | May 20, 2014 |
I love you boys...♥
| Mama | Happy 30th Birthday B.J. 5/17/2014 | May 17, 2014 |
Why is it impossible to cry enough tears to stop the pain? Why does it keep on hurting? How long is long enough? Too many questions and no answers. I'm sorry but I'm angry tonight. If that makes me bad...well right now I just don't care. Life is so stinking unfair. I don't care what anyone says or thinks B.J. you should have still been here. You should have got to live a long life. You should have gotten to marry and have children. You should have gotten to turn 30 today but instead you're forever 19 years old. You should have been here so we could celebrate your special day but instead we get to go clean your grave. What a gift! That is messed up!!!!!! You should be here to eat the chocolate pudding pie I made you for your birthday but you're NOT. Yet it doesn't do a bit of good to cry or be angry cause guess what? YOU'RE STILL NOT HERE AND YOU AREN'T GOING TO BE. I love you and miss you so much Butter. Happy birthday in Heaven.
Love, Mama
Love, Mama
| Mama | Memorials for sweet Wayne and Buck 5/15/2014 | May 17, 2014 |
Sweet Wayne and Buck, I have a friend name Lynda. I met her at Aubrey's Playhouse this past year (her husband Joe plays there all the time) but I didn't really start getting to know her until recently on facebook. She told me the other day that she would like to set up memorial sites for you on the Find A Grave web site and asked if it would be alright with me. Of course I told her yes. After she set them up she sent me the links I'll add them so you can see. Not only has this blessed me beyond what my words can express but something she said blessed me so very much. Her words..."I felt such a responsibility to make them tender and sweet, whereas the normal memorials are more factual. I just wanted to help you keep their memory alive forever, and this is a permanent record so everyone researching the family will know these two little angels blessed your life for a little while." Aww now I'm crying again. I've waited for 28 years for you to be acknowledged and what Lynda has done has opened the door for that to happen. My heart is so blessed and I could never thank her enough.I love you boys and I miss you so much.
Love, Mama
Wayne
http://www.findagrave.com/cgi-bin/fg.cgi?page=gr&GRid=129672670
Buck
http://www.findagrave.com/cgi-bin/fg.cgi?page=gr&GRid=129672988
| Mama | Mother's Day 5/11/2014 | May 11, 2014 |
Another Mother's Day has come and gone...I miss you so much.
Love, Mama
Love, Mama
| Mama | What should have been your birthdays...May 8th | May 8, 2014 |
Wayne and Buck I know today isn't your birthdays but today is the date that I was due with you if I had carried you full term. I can't help but wonder how different life would have been if I would have gotten to keep you here with me. Some things just weren't meant to be...yet today I still feel the need to acknowledge you and the special place you both will always have in my heart. Love, Mama
In loving memory of Billy "Wayne" and Charles "Buck" Outlaw
A moment in our lives, a lifetime in our hearts.
| Mama | Amanda's Birthday 3/3/2014 | March 3, 2014 |
Boys I hope you've stayed close to your sister today for her birthday. I know she loves and misses you so much. Love, Mama
| Mama | You're Great Uncles! 2/16/2014 | February 16, 2014 |
Little Xoie Nikole was born this morning. Y'all are now great Uncles! Born 2/16/14 @ 9:01am, 7.2 lbs, & 19 1/2 inches!
| Mama | Happy Valentine's Day Boys 2/14/2014 | February 14, 2014 |
Happy Valentine's Day boys, I love you all so much.
Love, Mama
Love, Mama
| Mama | Saying Goodbye 2/1/2014 | February 2, 2014 |
Saying my final goodbye to Aubrey until the day comes I can say hello again. I sure miss him.
| Mama | Happy 28th Birthday Wayne and Buck 1/26/2014 | January 26, 2014 |
My sweet Wayne and Buck,
If you would have gotten to stay here with us you would have been 28 years old tomorrow...January 26th. Where have all those years gone? In my heart it seems like yesterday that Daddy and I were looking forward to y...ou being born. How excited we were to be having twins. We had so many hopes and dreams. We could only imagine what it would be like to have twins. And sadly our imagination is all we were allowed to have. For some unknown reason we weren't allowed to keep you with us. Oh I know you're safe and loved where you are with Jesus but I so wish it could have been different. We never got to hold you and whisper words of love in your little ears. We never got to see your first smiles or hear your giggles. We didn't get to count your little toes and make sure they were all there or play the little piggy toe game with you. We missed out on seeing you learn to crawl and take your first steps. There were never any tiny arms wrapped around our necks or good night kisses. No stemless flowers were ever brought to your Mama for me to say how beautiful they were. We didn't get to see you off to school or beam with pride over all your accomplishments. Never had a birthday party. We never got to kiss a boo boo and make it better. We never got to see you run and play or ride a bike or throw a ball or run through mud puddles...all those special little things that little boys do. Daddy didn't get to teach you how to change a flat or work on a car. He didn't get to teach you how to hammer a nail in or use his tools. We weren't allowed to see you grow up and find your first girl friends or get your drivers license or graduate from high school. We didn't get to see you get married and have a family of your own and there will never be grandbabies from either of you boys. The list could go on and on and yet we missed it all. That's the part I don't understand and I don't guess I ever will. I can't help but wonder what you would look like. Would you look exactly like each other or would you look completely different? Would you have brown hair like your brothers and sisters? Would your eyes be blue like mine and your Dad's or would they have been another color? Would you be tall or short? Heavy or thin? Would you have a dark complexion or be fair skinned? What would your personalities be like? Would you be outgoing or more reserved? Would you be like the rest of the family and love to laugh? I would think so. So many questions that will always be without answers simply because it wasn't meant to be. But one thing I am sure of my sweet boys and that is that you are loved and have always been and will always be. The fact that you were born into Heaven never made us love you any less. It never made you any less our children. I will forever tell people I have 7 beautiful children because I do. Happy birthday my sweet boys. Make sure B.J. helps you celebrate big and you three boys give each other big hugs for Mama and Daddy...big and tight enough for us to feel them here. I love you boys forever and always.
Love, Mama
If you would have gotten to stay here with us you would have been 28 years old tomorrow...January 26th. Where have all those years gone? In my heart it seems like yesterday that Daddy and I were looking forward to y...ou being born. How excited we were to be having twins. We had so many hopes and dreams. We could only imagine what it would be like to have twins. And sadly our imagination is all we were allowed to have. For some unknown reason we weren't allowed to keep you with us. Oh I know you're safe and loved where you are with Jesus but I so wish it could have been different. We never got to hold you and whisper words of love in your little ears. We never got to see your first smiles or hear your giggles. We didn't get to count your little toes and make sure they were all there or play the little piggy toe game with you. We missed out on seeing you learn to crawl and take your first steps. There were never any tiny arms wrapped around our necks or good night kisses. No stemless flowers were ever brought to your Mama for me to say how beautiful they were. We didn't get to see you off to school or beam with pride over all your accomplishments. Never had a birthday party. We never got to kiss a boo boo and make it better. We never got to see you run and play or ride a bike or throw a ball or run through mud puddles...all those special little things that little boys do. Daddy didn't get to teach you how to change a flat or work on a car. He didn't get to teach you how to hammer a nail in or use his tools. We weren't allowed to see you grow up and find your first girl friends or get your drivers license or graduate from high school. We didn't get to see you get married and have a family of your own and there will never be grandbabies from either of you boys. The list could go on and on and yet we missed it all. That's the part I don't understand and I don't guess I ever will. I can't help but wonder what you would look like. Would you look exactly like each other or would you look completely different? Would you have brown hair like your brothers and sisters? Would your eyes be blue like mine and your Dad's or would they have been another color? Would you be tall or short? Heavy or thin? Would you have a dark complexion or be fair skinned? What would your personalities be like? Would you be outgoing or more reserved? Would you be like the rest of the family and love to laugh? I would think so. So many questions that will always be without answers simply because it wasn't meant to be. But one thing I am sure of my sweet boys and that is that you are loved and have always been and will always be. The fact that you were born into Heaven never made us love you any less. It never made you any less our children. I will forever tell people I have 7 beautiful children because I do. Happy birthday my sweet boys. Make sure B.J. helps you celebrate big and you three boys give each other big hugs for Mama and Daddy...big and tight enough for us to feel them here. I love you boys forever and always.
Love, Mama
| B.J., Wayne and Buck | Happy Birthday Mama 1/19/2014 | January 19, 2014 |
Happy birthday Mama, we love you!Love, B.J., Wayne and Buck
| Mama | Tribute for Les 1/16/2014 | January 19, 2014 |
This is a tribut for Les from his boys...it's beautiful. He passed away on January 16th 2014.
http://www.tributeslides.com/tributes/show/XGYWWYLFK7GWBZ3Y
http://www.tributeslides.com/tributes/show/XGYWWYLFK7GWBZ3Y
| Mama | Happy New Year 2014 | January 1, 2014 |
Happy New Year boys, I love you and miss you so much. I'd give anything to have you still here with me but I know it's not possible. So until I can be there with you keep watching for me. Someday I will...♥
| Mama | Spending Christmas with Jesus | December 25, 2013 |
I bet Heaven is beautiful at Christmas time.
| Mama | Almost Christmas 12/22/2013 | December 22, 2013 |
B.J. it's almost Christmas again. This will be the 11th one without you. Buddy no matter how much time has gone by and no matter how much healing has came to my heart I still miss you with every part of my being. Sometimes when I allow myself to get lost in my thoughts the pain still feels so fresh and reality almost takes my breath away. Because of that I can't allow it to happen too often or I would sink to a place of total despair that I might never be able to climb back o...ut of. Still it threatens to over take me.
I know you're happy and healthy. And I know some day I will see you again. I am not without HOPE. And I am not without FAITH. But I am a Mama that is without her child here. Without 3 of my children here. A Mama with a broken heart that will never be completely whole again this side of Heaven. Sometimes I think I just can't keep going...but I have to. I have your brother and sisters that still needs me. I have your Daddy that still needs me even if I often think he doesn't. I have the grandbabies that still need me. And yes, maybe even some friends that still need me. So until the Lord decides it's my turn then I know here is where I belong and here is where I must stay. But Buddy...would ya mind telling him I could use a little extra something (I don't even know what I need) to get me through these days...and nights? The nights are the worse. Maybe a little extra comfort. Maybe a little more courage. Maybe a few more hugs. Maybe a hand to hold or a heart to listen. Maybe something or someone to help dry the tears. Maybe He could help dry the tears on the inside...those hurt my heart more than anything else. Like I said, I don't really know what I need but He does so could you ask him for me? Big Sigh...and a Deep Breath...ok I'll be ok. Do me one more favor please. Hug your little brothers Wayne and Buck for me and y'all remind each other how much your Mama loves you. Ok? Thank you B.J. I love you so much and I miss you just the same. Holding you boys close to my heart always and forever. Love, Mama
I know you're happy and healthy. And I know some day I will see you again. I am not without HOPE. And I am not without FAITH. But I am a Mama that is without her child here. Without 3 of my children here. A Mama with a broken heart that will never be completely whole again this side of Heaven. Sometimes I think I just can't keep going...but I have to. I have your brother and sisters that still needs me. I have your Daddy that still needs me even if I often think he doesn't. I have the grandbabies that still need me. And yes, maybe even some friends that still need me. So until the Lord decides it's my turn then I know here is where I belong and here is where I must stay. But Buddy...would ya mind telling him I could use a little extra something (I don't even know what I need) to get me through these days...and nights? The nights are the worse. Maybe a little extra comfort. Maybe a little more courage. Maybe a few more hugs. Maybe a hand to hold or a heart to listen. Maybe something or someone to help dry the tears. Maybe He could help dry the tears on the inside...those hurt my heart more than anything else. Like I said, I don't really know what I need but He does so could you ask him for me? Big Sigh...and a Deep Breath...ok I'll be ok. Do me one more favor please. Hug your little brothers Wayne and Buck for me and y'all remind each other how much your Mama loves you. Ok? Thank you B.J. I love you so much and I miss you just the same. Holding you boys close to my heart always and forever. Love, Mama
| Mama | Wave of Lights 12/8/2013 | December 8, 2013 |
Your candles will burn bright at the Wave of Lights tonight...♥
| Mama | It's been 10 years since you left...12/1/2013 | December 1, 2013 |
You Ask Me How I'm Doing
****
You ask me how I'm doing,
I answer with "I'm fine."
What I'd really like to say though,
Is I think I've lost my mind.
Won't you take a moment
To see my hurt and pain?
To know my life's been shattered
And will never be the same.
I've lost someone I love so much,
It's just too hard to bare.
Is there someone to understand me?
Someone to say they care?
Will you take some time and cry with me?
Will you share in my great sorrow?
Can you somehow help me find a way
That I can face tomorrow?
Do you know that when my B.J. died
A part of me died too?
A piece of me is missing,
And I don't know what to do.
I don't expect to hear you say,
"I know just how you feel."
Just tell me that you miss him too,
And pray our hearts will heal.
Can you tell me that you're sorry,
And what he meant to you?
Somehow this burden may be lightened,
If the pain is borne by two.
| Mama | It's been 10 years since you left...12/1/2013 | December 1, 2013 |
Completeness of a life is not measured in length only, it is measured in the deeds and commitments that give a life purpose. Your life held much purpose B.J. You may not have changed the world...but you sure changed the world for me.
Love, Mama
In loving memory of my oldest son B.J. Forever loved and missed. Never forgotten.
Bobby Jack Outlaw II
May 17, 1984 - December 1, 2003
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