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B.J.'s LegacySpecial Memories of ...Special Memories of ...Special Memories of ...Wayne and BuckMama's PoemsMama and DaddyAmandaKaylaSarahJohnathanElijah (nephew)Ian (nephew)
 
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思い出
Mama 10 years ago...May 5th 2003 May 5, 2013
 

10 years ago on May 5th you had your kidney transplant. You were always such a strong young man and never complained. How I wish things could have turned out different. How I wish it had given you the long life we all hoped and prayed for instead of just less than 7 months. But the freedom it gave you for that short time was wonderful and you made the most of it. Never in my wildest dreams did I think you wouldn't still be here 10 years later. I miss you Buddy and even though my heart is broken I am thankful you're healthy now. No more surgeries...no more medicine...no more pain. You said Heaven would be worth it and I know you were right. Enjoy it all B.J. because no one deserves it more than you. You were always telling me to go home and rest but I always told you my place was with you and I meant it. No matter how tired I would get you were worth it. I'm glad you're not sick anymore but Buddy I miss you so much. Mama would have taken care of you forever B.J. I would have...♥
Love, Mama
Mama Back to Waco... April 8, 2013
 
B.J. you know brother Perry is finally having his surgery tomorrow and you know Mama needs to be there. But you also know that means I have to go back to Waco and that's the hard part because that's where we lost you. Please ask Jesus to give me the courage I need to do this. Already the tears are falling...but I need to go so I am going to. Sometimes I wish I had the faith you did...Mama's trying. Thank you Buddy I love you.♥
Mama Our trip to San Antonio April 8, 2013
 
Well Buddy we made the trip to San Antonio again. It was so different being just me, Dad and Johnathan.
Cindy Outlaw Candle at church for Easter 2013 March 31, 2013
 
I had a candle burning at church for y'all today. Oh how I wish you could have been here.
Love, Mama
Mama Easter 2013 March 31, 2013
 
Happy Easter boys, I love y'all and miss you so much.
Love, Mama
Mama Happy St Patrick's Day! March 17, 2013
 
Happy St Patrick's Day boys! I love you so much. I hope you remembered to wear a bit of green today so you didn't get pinched.
Love, Mama
Mama Your Uncle John March 8, 2013
 
Look boys I finally got a picture of your Uncle John. I know you already met him but I wanted to share it here anyway. I asked your Aunt Linda if she had one she could share and she did. It's just a picture of a picture but I love it. This is his senior picture. He died in a car accident the summer after he graduated. I'm so happy to finally have a picture of him yet at the same time it makes me cry. Wow talk about the memories that come in like a flood. I was only 8 years old when he died and he was only 19 but I've never forgotten and never will.
Happy Birthday John...I know all of Heaven is celebrating your special day with you.♥
John Frank Karnes
1953 ~ 1972
Mama Heaven is worth it...3/6/13 March 6, 2013
 
Buddy I shared this with my friends today. I wanted to bring it here and share with you. I know you understand.
Love, Mama

I shared this somewhere else but I really wanted to share it here as well. I'm changing it up a bit because I won't name who I was talking to or why but the reality of it really hit me so I want to share it...
B.J. struggled with his sickness for 18 of his 19 years. I've shared much of what he went through but still no one has any idea just what it was like for him because I can't find the words t...o tell what it was really like. He told me just a few months before the Lord called him home that if all that he went through was what it took for him to make heaven someday then yes it was worth it. He didn't have to give it any thought. It breaks my heart because I hated for him to be sick and go through all he went through...you see as his Mama I do know because I was there every step of the way with him...but even now I'm learning from my son. I just realized that I'm finally at a place that I too can say if losing my boys and living with gut wrenching pain for years is what it takes for me to make it to heaven...then yes it is worth it. It's not what I would have chosen and I miss them with every beat of my heart and every breath I take...but I long to make heaven my home. The Lord knows and I just realized that truely is enough even if right now I'm crying so hard at the reality of it all. I honestly never believed I would see it this way.
Mama Sharing a poem I wrote today. 3/5/13 March 5, 2013
 






"LOVE"

Tell someone that you love them,
Show them that you care.
Let them know they're in your heart,
And if they need you you'll be there.
Offer someone a simple smile,
For it may be their hope is lost.
And just a little kindness shown,
Isn't of great cost.
Everywhere we look today,
We see sorrow tears and pain.
But just a little love that's shown,
Can restore hope within again.

Whose life can you make a difference in today? You might be surprised just how "BIG" something "little" can be.
Mama Happy Birthday Amanda 3/3/13 March 3, 2013
 
B.J. can you believe Amanda is 30 now? And she still looks so much younger. I so wish you could have been here for her birthday. You would have made it perfect.
Love, Mama
Mama My Song...3/1/2013 March 1, 2013
 
Buddy I posted a status on my fb wall on Feb. 6th. It was talking about me wanting my desire to sing to come back to me. I had said that laughter and singing were the two things I missed most (in myself) after losing you. I have already gotten my ability to laugh back but not the desire to sing.
So now for my thankful...The last few months a few of the ones I go to listen to play and sing on Thursday nights has asked me when I'm going to sing over there and I keep telling them I'm not because I lost my desire and have no song to sing. They sing a little bit of everything from Old Gospel to Country and a little bit of everything else thrown in between. Well I got up this morning with a song in my heart. It's an old Southern Gospel song I use to sing a lot called The Lighthouse. Words can't describe what that did and is doing inside of me. Yet at the same time I know he is telling me I need to sing it at the Thursday night singing I go to and it needs to be in the near future. That's the scary part. I have never sang in front of them and I'm terrified. lol I know I'll do it eventually because I know without a doubt he's telling me to trust him and step out in faith and do it and I know I have to face that fear. I am beyond excited yet so scared at the same time...but the happy excitement of what I'm feeling is WONDERFUL! :)
Isn't Jesus good?
Love, Mama
Mama Awesome News! 2/24/2013 February 25, 2013
 
Hey Buddy I have to share some awesome news...
I heard from Michael tonight. He told me they (he and his wife) went to church tonight. He said it's Jesus Name and Spirit filled but I'm not sure if it's Jesus Name or not because it's Assembly of God...but still I thought it was awesome. Here's what he told me...
 
Hey Cindy, just thought I'd let you know we went to church here in Lampasas at Christ The Rock, we've been there before but today was different. It wasn't UPC but God moved in a very powerful way! God spoke through a church member and it felt it was directed right at me. Regardless what has happened in the past or what we were going through we are worthy to give him praise. It was a service were God moved so powerful there was no preaching just praying at the alter. The preacher said God wanted to meet us but we had to take the first step, so he said take the step to the alter and I said no inside, people were going and the preacher said there's still someone out there that needs to come my eyes started watering and I was still saying no, then I was ok God if you want me to go down show me it's me, then the preacher said you know who you are, your hands are sweating, and Cindy I was sweating all over so I went to the alter, and I haven't felt like that in a long time. I needed it.
Mama Happy Valentine's Day! 2/14/2013 February 14, 2013
 
Happy Valentine's Day to the loves of my life! I love y'all!
Love, Mama
Mama The HARLEM GLOBETROTTERS January 29, 2013
 
We're going to see the HARLEM GLOBETROTTERS tonight in Brownwood. I'm so glad you got here in time through the "Melodies from Heaven" to go with us.
Love you bunches, Mama
Mama Happy 27th birthday Wayne and Buck January 26, 2013
 
Happy 27th birthday my sweet Wayne and Buck. Make sure Buddy helps you celebrate big ok. I love and miss you so much.
Love, Mama
B.J., Wayne and Buck Happy Birthday Mama January 19, 2013
 
Happy birthday Mama, we love you bunches!
Love, B.J., Wayne and Buck
Mama 2013 January 1, 2013
 
There's no happy any more. Cry
Mama Merry Christmas December 24, 2012
 
Merry Christmas boys, oh how I wish you were here.
Love, Mama
Mama Johnathan was Joseph again... December 24, 2012
 
Doesn't your lil brother make an awesome Joseph? His little friend Rayna is Mary.
Mama My Angel/Butterfly Pin December 15, 2012
 
I went to the church ladies Christmas party tonight. One of the ladies couldn't be there but she sent little gifts to use as door prizes. I won one of them. I got this little angel. Not only is it an angel but it also looks like a brown butterfly and brown butterflies are one of my comforts from you B.J. It was the most perfect gift I could have recieved. The pictures doesn't really do it justice and doesn't quiet show the true colors but I wanted to share it anyway.
Love, Mama
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