B.J. it's almost Christmas again. This will be the 11th one without you. Buddy no matter how much time has gone by and no matter how much healing has came to my heart I still miss you with every part of my being. Sometimes when I allow myself to get lost in my thoughts the pain still feels so fresh and reality almost takes my breath away. Because of that I can't allow it to happen too often or I would sink to a place of total despair that I might never be able to climb back o...ut of. Still it threatens to over take me.
I know you're happy and healthy. And I know some day I will see you again. I am not without HOPE. And I am not without FAITH. But I am a Mama that is without her child here. Without 3 of my children here. A Mama with a broken heart that will never be completely whole again this side of Heaven. Sometimes I think I just can't keep going...but I have to. I have your brother and sisters that still needs me. I have your Daddy that still needs me even if I often think he doesn't. I have the grandbabies that still need me. And yes, maybe even some friends that still need me. So until the Lord decides it's my turn then I know here is where I belong and here is where I must stay. But Buddy...would ya mind telling him I could use a little extra something (I don't even know what I need) to get me through these days...and nights? The nights are the worse. Maybe a little extra comfort. Maybe a little more courage. Maybe a few more hugs. Maybe a hand to hold or a heart to listen. Maybe something or someone to help dry the tears. Maybe He could help dry the tears on the inside...those hurt my heart more than anything else. Like I said, I don't really know what I need but He does so could you ask him for me? Big Sigh...and a Deep Breath...ok I'll be ok. Do me one more favor please. Hug your little brothers Wayne and Buck for me and y'all remind each other how much your Mama loves you. Ok? Thank you B.J. I love you so much and I miss you just the same. Holding you boys close to my heart always and forever. Love, Mama
I know you're happy and healthy. And I know some day I will see you again. I am not without HOPE. And I am not without FAITH. But I am a Mama that is without her child here. Without 3 of my children here. A Mama with a broken heart that will never be completely whole again this side of Heaven. Sometimes I think I just can't keep going...but I have to. I have your brother and sisters that still needs me. I have your Daddy that still needs me even if I often think he doesn't. I have the grandbabies that still need me. And yes, maybe even some friends that still need me. So until the Lord decides it's my turn then I know here is where I belong and here is where I must stay. But Buddy...would ya mind telling him I could use a little extra something (I don't even know what I need) to get me through these days...and nights? The nights are the worse. Maybe a little extra comfort. Maybe a little more courage. Maybe a few more hugs. Maybe a hand to hold or a heart to listen. Maybe something or someone to help dry the tears. Maybe He could help dry the tears on the inside...those hurt my heart more than anything else. Like I said, I don't really know what I need but He does so could you ask him for me? Big Sigh...and a Deep Breath...ok I'll be ok. Do me one more favor please. Hug your little brothers Wayne and Buck for me and y'all remind each other how much your Mama loves you. Ok? Thank you B.J. I love you so much and I miss you just the same. Holding you boys close to my heart always and forever. Love, Mama
