Bobby Jack Outlaw II

Oh B.J. look what Jen (Gord's wife) made for us. Isn't it beautiful? She so sweet...this touched mine and Johnathan's heart in such a special way. I know you're watching over him always.

Love, Mama

B.J. did you see Johnathan helping lead the singing tonight? It's been a while since he has sang a special in church. He was singing "Let It Rain". Bro. Jeff asked him to help him lead the singing in VBS tonight and he did. I was in the kitchen and I could hear him so I went in there to see. It made me want to cry. He reminded me so much of you at that age. I'm sure proud of him like I always was of you.

Love, Mama

Hey Buddy, I just wanted to show you my other half Sean. He makes me so happy I know that if you had the chance to know him you would be friends. I wish you could be here when we have our baby, you are going to be an uncle again! I miss you and love you so much.

B.J. I have so many things I want and need to say, but I can't find the right words to use. I'm about to be a mother and I don't know the first thing about what to do. I'm so scared and completely terrified. My nerves are a total wreck, my patience is always on the last strand, my stress level is through the roof, and my emotions are a total disaster. I don't get it, I'm supposed to be happy about being a mom, but I only feel depressed. I feel like my whole world is dark and foggy. I'm confused about what to do and I sit at home all alone everyday wondering what I'm here for. Somewhere along the road I messed up and I'm still looking at my life thinking what it is that I need to do to fix everything. WHY IS LIFE LIKE THIS! You are so lucky!! I can't sleep, I don't want to eat, but I have to, I don't want to do anything. I hate everything about me! I'm broken and empty and I feel like I'm being crushed into a million little pieces. I feel angry and sad all the time and it's aweful cause I'm always taking my anger out on Sean and he doesn't deserve that from me. I don't have a clue what to do with myself anymore. I just feel like giving up. I wish you were here, life is hell without you. WHY DID YOU HAVE TO GO!! IT'S JUST NOT FAIR! WHY DID GOD TAKE YOU! DIDN'T HE THINK WE NEEDED YOU TOO!?! HE'S SUPPOSED TO LOVE US AND TAKE CARE OF US, NOT TAKE OUR FAMILY AWAY FROM US! Does our pain not mean anything at all? Is that his master plan, give and take away? I hate it...

Yesterday on the 3rd we all went to the park for Christmas in July. I remember you always enjoyed going B.J. and you were so missed. Amanda and Elijah came down for it and so did Kayla and Sean. We had a good time but I still wish you could have been there.

Today all of them and Dad, Sarah and Johnathan have gone fishing. We spent the day here and Dad B-B-Qued for us and it was good. Then Amanda called and asked if we wanted to go fishing with them. I didn't want to go. For one it's already late in the day and my energy is already gone and also I just can't do anymore to celebrate the holiday without you. I'm not sure your brother and sisters really understand that and I'm really sorry but I've done all I can do. I hope they don't think they aren't just as important to me because they are. Life is just still so hard with you not here.

Love and miss you forever, Mama

Sarah recorded the fireworks...

I went ahead and went on the "Walk to Remember" today even if I was late. I'm so sorry I was. Thank you for going with me and for letting me know you did. I love you and I could never ever forget you.

Love, Mama

Oh B.J. did you see Johnathan and Sarah at church tonight? They were just pouring their hearts out and got such good blessings. I'm so proud of both of them. I'll always believe that Johnathan was filled with the gift of the Holy Ghost the night you left but he doesn't remember. But tonight he was filled again and this time he's old enough he won't ever forget. Isn't the Lord just so good? He told me he was sad cause he wished you were there but Buddy I think you were weren't you?  

Love, Mama

We Love you Daddy!

I love you Dad!

Boys I know ya'll got a good laugh over our Fashion Show we put on for Sister Mullins birthday party. They saw a side of your Mama I've never let any of them see. It was fun though.

Love you bunches, Mama

Look boys, I'm bringing you a picture of your little sister Kayla. She's getting big with the baby! You will be new uncles before long. Oh how I wish you were here.

Love, Mama

B.J. you know Sarah left out for camp this morning. Well they left here and went to the church to get the van and I thought they had already headed out when here she came running in the house like a wild girl. I asked her what she was doing and she said i have to find Honks. Remember him? That funny little goose you gave her that last trip you made to Tenn. with the youth. She still sleeps with him and she takes him with her on every trip away from home. That in itself tells me how much she loves and misses you B.J. She needs her big brother here with her....

Please watch over her at camp this week and ask Jesus to take care of her for me. You know how I worry anyway and her stomach has been bothering her this week. I bet it's just nerves but still I worry.

I love you Buddy and I misss you more every day.

Love, Mama

B.J. your little brother went to Wal Mart last night and bought himself a new car with the money he's been saving. It's a Dodge Viper. That boy drives like a wild man! He wanted me to take a picture of him in it to put here for you.

Love you, Mama

B.J. I just thought you would get a kick out of Sarah and her friend Sara Slaughter...you remember her right? Aren't they funny?

Love you, Mama

Sharing another one!

Love, Mama

Hey Buddy I just thought I'd share Johnathan's report card with you. I think he did good. How about you?

Love, Mama

Hey Buddy I just wanted to bring Johnathan's Award here for you to see. Aren't you proud of your little brother?

Love, Mama

Happy Birthday B.J.

We love you so much!

Love, Mama, Daddy, Sarah and Johnathan

Happy Birthday to You,

Happy Birthday to You,

Happy Birthday to B.J.

Happy Birthday to You!

God's Blessings on You,

God's Blessings on You,

God's Blessings on B.J.

God's Blessings on You!

Here's your Chocolate Pudding Pie and Dr Pepper!

Buddy we went out and redid your grave for you for your birthday. It looks real nice for you. I so wish it didn't have to be this way.

Love, Mama

In loving memory of our son and brother...

B.J. Outlaw II 5-17-84 ~ 12-1-03

You are invited to share in our celebration of B.J.'s 25th birthday on Sunday May 17th 2009. Our family will be having his favorite pizza for lunch (pepperoni) after Church on Sunday and then we'll have his all time favorite...Chocolate Pudding Pie. This is where the invitation comes in. We're asking that anyone that would like to join us in remembering B.J. and celebrating his life to make a pie in his memory and enjoy it for him. (We would love to be told if you do but if it's not something you can do...just to know you've thought about him is enough.)

Hugs, Cindy & family

Sharing a memory...

B.J. wasn't a sweet eater but he absolutely loved the chocolate pudding pies and would eat as much as (Mama) would let him have. All of his teenage years that's what he wanted for his birthday instead of a cake. And he wanted them for Thanksgiving and Christmas as well as any other time he could talk me into making him one...which wasn't hard to do. I remember him telling his little brother Johnathan that if he would ask for one for his birthday too that they would always be guaranteed at least four of them a year...their birthdays, Christmas and Thanksgiving.. He was so silly but oh so much fun. 

Thank you in advance if this is something you can or will do. And thank you for understanding this Mama's need to remember her Best Buddy in the Whole World.

Chocolate Pudding Pie

Ingredients:

1 large box Jello Instant Chocolate Pudding

2 1/2 cups cold milk

Directions:

Mix according to directions on box and pour into

large (he liked the extra servings) graham cracker

pie crust. Cover with cool whip and eat as much

as you can get away with!

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