Bobby Jack Outlaw II

Happy Birthday little man,

we love you!

Love, Uncle B.J., Uncle Wayne & Uncle Buck

School started back today B.J. I so wish you were here...

Love, Mama

Amanda and Chris got married today. I just wanted to put a picture of them here for you.

Love, Mama

We got to hold little Mikey for the first time today. He's so sweet. Thank you for sending the "Melodies from Heaven" again today...it let us know you went with us.

Love, Mama

Well boys as you know Mikey is here at last...all 7 lbs. 10 ozs. of him. And he's 20 1/2 inches long. His full name is Luthien Michael Thiesfeld...born on Friday July 31 at 6:07pm. Doesn't Kayla look so happy? Thank you for being there. The Melodies from Heaven let me know you made it.

Love, Mama

Happy 27th Anniversary Mom and Dad!

July 24th

Tonight was Sarah's "Green House Fashion Show". Those kids are so funny and it was fun watching them. I do hope you were around watching. Sure miss you!

Love, Mama

Happy 47th Birthday Dad, we love you!

Love, B.J., Wayne & Buck

Oh B.J. look what Jen (Gord's wife) made for us. Isn't it beautiful? She so sweet...this touched mine and Johnathan's heart in such a special way. I know you're watching over him always.

Love, Mama

B.J. did you see Johnathan helping lead the singing tonight? It's been a while since he has sang a special in church. He was singing "Let It Rain". Bro. Jeff asked him to help him lead the singing in VBS tonight and he did. I was in the kitchen and I could hear him so I went in there to see. It made me want to cry. He reminded me so much of you at that age. I'm sure proud of him like I always was of you.

Love, Mama

Hey Buddy, I just wanted to show you my other half Sean. He makes me so happy I know that if you had the chance to know him you would be friends. I wish you could be here when we have our baby, you are going to be an uncle again! I miss you and love you so much.

B.J. I have so many things I want and need to say, but I can't find the right words to use. I'm about to be a mother and I don't know the first thing about what to do. I'm so scared and completely terrified. My nerves are a total wreck, my patience is always on the last strand, my stress level is through the roof, and my emotions are a total disaster. I don't get it, I'm supposed to be happy about being a mom, but I only feel depressed. I feel like my whole world is dark and foggy. I'm confused about what to do and I sit at home all alone everyday wondering what I'm here for. Somewhere along the road I messed up and I'm still looking at my life thinking what it is that I need to do to fix everything. WHY IS LIFE LIKE THIS! You are so lucky!! I can't sleep, I don't want to eat, but I have to, I don't want to do anything. I hate everything about me! I'm broken and empty and I feel like I'm being crushed into a million little pieces. I feel angry and sad all the time and it's aweful cause I'm always taking my anger out on Sean and he doesn't deserve that from me. I don't have a clue what to do with myself anymore. I just feel like giving up. I wish you were here, life is hell without you. WHY DID YOU HAVE TO GO!! IT'S JUST NOT FAIR! WHY DID GOD TAKE YOU! DIDN'T HE THINK WE NEEDED YOU TOO!?! HE'S SUPPOSED TO LOVE US AND TAKE CARE OF US, NOT TAKE OUR FAMILY AWAY FROM US! Does our pain not mean anything at all? Is that his master plan, give and take away? I hate it...

Yesterday on the 3rd we all went to the park for Christmas in July. I remember you always enjoyed going B.J. and you were so missed. Amanda and Elijah came down for it and so did Kayla and Sean. We had a good time but I still wish you could have been there.

Today all of them and Dad, Sarah and Johnathan have gone fishing. We spent the day here and Dad B-B-Qued for us and it was good. Then Amanda called and asked if we wanted to go fishing with them. I didn't want to go. For one it's already late in the day and my energy is already gone and also I just can't do anymore to celebrate the holiday without you. I'm not sure your brother and sisters really understand that and I'm really sorry but I've done all I can do. I hope they don't think they aren't just as important to me because they are. Life is just still so hard with you not here.

Love and miss you forever, Mama

Sarah recorded the fireworks...

I went ahead and went on the "Walk to Remember" today even if I was late. I'm so sorry I was. Thank you for going with me and for letting me know you did. I love you and I could never ever forget you.

Love, Mama

Oh B.J. did you see Johnathan and Sarah at church tonight? They were just pouring their hearts out and got such good blessings. I'm so proud of both of them. I'll always believe that Johnathan was filled with the gift of the Holy Ghost the night you left but he doesn't remember. But tonight he was filled again and this time he's old enough he won't ever forget. Isn't the Lord just so good? He told me he was sad cause he wished you were there but Buddy I think you were weren't you?  

Love, Mama

We Love you Daddy!

I love you Dad!

Boys I know ya'll got a good laugh over our Fashion Show we put on for Sister Mullins birthday party. They saw a side of your Mama I've never let any of them see. It was fun though.

Love you bunches, Mama

Look boys, I'm bringing you a picture of your little sister Kayla. She's getting big with the baby! You will be new uncles before long. Oh how I wish you were here.

Love, Mama

B.J. you know Sarah left out for camp this morning. Well they left here and went to the church to get the van and I thought they had already headed out when here she came running in the house like a wild girl. I asked her what she was doing and she said i have to find Honks. Remember him? That funny little goose you gave her that last trip you made to Tenn. with the youth. She still sleeps with him and she takes him with her on every trip away from home. That in itself tells me how much she loves and misses you B.J. She needs her big brother here with her....

Please watch over her at camp this week and ask Jesus to take care of her for me. You know how I worry anyway and her stomach has been bothering her this week. I bet it's just nerves but still I worry.

I love you Buddy and I misss you more every day.

Love, Mama