Bobby Jack Outlaw II

My sweet Wayne and Buck, you remember Mama and Daddy gave care packages this past year in loving memory of you to be used in the hospital for other Mommy and Daddy's that suffered the loss of their baby? I found out last night that the Maternity Ward refused them and that makes me so sad. They will still be used if needed in the ER but still it just upsets me so much. I'm sorry babies, Mama feels like I somehow failed you and I didn't mean to.

I love you so much.

Love, Mama

Remembering your Grandpa Outlaw today. He's been gone 25 years too long. He was a good man, a hard working man, and he was loved by his family. I know many hearts are missing him today. It's so hard to believe that many years have gone by already. Give him big hugs for us boys.

Love, Mama

Forever loving and missing my sweet baby boys

Billy "Wayne" and Charles "Buck"

Outlaw

October 15th is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day across the world. We would like to invite you to take part in the global 'Wave of Light'. Simply light a candle at 7pm and leave it burning for at least 1 hour to join us in remembering all babies that have died during pregnancy at during or after birth.
This can be done individually or in a group at home or in a communal space. Wherever you do this you will be joining a global wave of light in memory of all the babies who lit up our lives for such a short time.

Setting aside such a day as October 15—Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day—becomes a most important step in a parent’s healing. This is a public acknowledgement of the grief that parents are holding deep within their hearts. This day allows parents to say “My loss was real. It hurts. I want to tell you about it. And I want to be able to grieve the fact that part of my life was taken away.”
Additional Details
More than 26000 women each year in the United States and 4.5 million worldwide will deliver a stillborn baby. The majority will never know why their babies died. Few will be offered adequate guidance on coping with the devastating loss of a child they never got to know.

Many parents who have suffered early child loss find great healing and comfort by coming together with others who have endured a similar loss and doing such things as reading a poem or letter written in memory of their baby. Others find it healing to release a balloon and use that as a ceremonial letting go of some of their grief in an attempt to move forward. Many find great comfort in giving their miscarried baby a name and having a memorial plaque made in memory of their child. Others find great comfort in going to a chapel and lighting a candle as a symbol of hope in memory of their child.

Aren't you proud of your little brother's Report card? I know you are and we are too.

Love, Mama

Wishing our beautiful little sister Sarah a Happy Sweet 16 Birthday. We hope your day is as wonderful and as special as you are to us. And may your hearts desire be yours today and always.

Happy Birthday Tag-A-Long!

Love, B.J.

Happy Birthday See-Tee!

Love, Wayne and Buck

B.J. 21 years ago today we started going to church. With all that has happened since then I'm so thankful we did. As hard as it's been having you gone my heart finds much comfort knowing you lived for the Lord and are now safe with Him. We know without doubt in our hearts that Wayne and Buck have been with Jesus all along. There's comfort in the knowing. I so look forward to the day that the rest of us join you...what a day that will be!

You know that was also the day I was filled with the Holy Ghost with the evidence of speaking in tongues and was baptized in the name of Jesus...Acts 2:38 So  in a way...today is your Mama's birthday!

Love, Mama

Buddy I saw Kayla last night and she told me about a little grandpa man she saw in the store yesterday. I want to share it with you as best as I can remember.  She said when he saw her and "little Mikey" coming towards him his face just lit up and he asked if he could see the baby? He was in one of those moterized shopping carts. She asked him if he would like to hold the baby and of course he did. She said Mama it was so sweet watching him. He was so happy to hold him. He called his little wife over and told her look Mama at this precious little one. Over and over he told Kayla how he so wish he could have another little one to hold. Kayla's heart was so touched by this little man that she didn't even know. She was just glowing when she told me about what took place.

This morning as I was thinking about it the tears started. I'm so proud of her for taking the time to let that little grandpa hold sweet Mikey. Such a sweet kindness I'm so proud of. Then I get started thinking about all of you kids and I'm reminded of the sweet spirits that all of you carry. Compassion is a part of all of you and I'm just so proud. I know I'm blessed and I'm thankful. Then I get started thinking about you B.J. and the kindness that you showed to so many and my tears just keep falling. I miss you so much. Your life was so short yet so full. I wish you didn't have to leave so soon. I think this morning I'm all mixed up and emotional. My tears of joy and sorrow have all mixed together and I don't know how to seperate them.

Love, Mama

Happy Birthday little man,

we love you!

Love, Uncle B.J., Uncle Wayne & Uncle Buck

School started back today B.J. I so wish you were here...

Love, Mama

Amanda and Chris got married today. I just wanted to put a picture of them here for you.

Love, Mama

We got to hold little Mikey for the first time today. He's so sweet. Thank you for sending the "Melodies from Heaven" again today...it let us know you went with us.

Love, Mama

Well boys as you know Mikey is here at last...all 7 lbs. 10 ozs. of him. And he's 20 1/2 inches long. His full name is Luthien Michael Thiesfeld...born on Friday July 31 at 6:07pm. Doesn't Kayla look so happy? Thank you for being there. The Melodies from Heaven let me know you made it.

Love, Mama

Happy 27th Anniversary Mom and Dad!

July 24th

Tonight was Sarah's "Green House Fashion Show". Those kids are so funny and it was fun watching them. I do hope you were around watching. Sure miss you!

Love, Mama

Happy 47th Birthday Dad, we love you!

Love, B.J., Wayne & Buck

Oh B.J. look what Jen (Gord's wife) made for us. Isn't it beautiful? She so sweet...this touched mine and Johnathan's heart in such a special way. I know you're watching over him always.

Love, Mama

B.J. did you see Johnathan helping lead the singing tonight? It's been a while since he has sang a special in church. He was singing "Let It Rain". Bro. Jeff asked him to help him lead the singing in VBS tonight and he did. I was in the kitchen and I could hear him so I went in there to see. It made me want to cry. He reminded me so much of you at that age. I'm sure proud of him like I always was of you.

Love, Mama

Hey Buddy, I just wanted to show you my other half Sean. He makes me so happy I know that if you had the chance to know him you would be friends. I wish you could be here when we have our baby, you are going to be an uncle again! I miss you and love you so much.

B.J. I have so many things I want and need to say, but I can't find the right words to use. I'm about to be a mother and I don't know the first thing about what to do. I'm so scared and completely terrified. My nerves are a total wreck, my patience is always on the last strand, my stress level is through the roof, and my emotions are a total disaster. I don't get it, I'm supposed to be happy about being a mom, but I only feel depressed. I feel like my whole world is dark and foggy. I'm confused about what to do and I sit at home all alone everyday wondering what I'm here for. Somewhere along the road I messed up and I'm still looking at my life thinking what it is that I need to do to fix everything. WHY IS LIFE LIKE THIS! You are so lucky!! I can't sleep, I don't want to eat, but I have to, I don't want to do anything. I hate everything about me! I'm broken and empty and I feel like I'm being crushed into a million little pieces. I feel angry and sad all the time and it's aweful cause I'm always taking my anger out on Sean and he doesn't deserve that from me. I don't have a clue what to do with myself anymore. I just feel like giving up. I wish you were here, life is hell without you. WHY DID YOU HAVE TO GO!! IT'S JUST NOT FAIR! WHY DID GOD TAKE YOU! DIDN'T HE THINK WE NEEDED YOU TOO!?! HE'S SUPPOSED TO LOVE US AND TAKE CARE OF US, NOT TAKE OUR FAMILY AWAY FROM US! Does our pain not mean anything at all? Is that his master plan, give and take away? I hate it...