Bobby Jack Outlaw II

B.J. this morning Sister Mullins called me about something and she asked how I was doing. I told her well I've had better days because I was right in the middle of a melt down. We talked for a while and she shared something with me that I'm glad she did. This past year a lady I went to High School with started coming to church. I hadn't seen Janice since High School so she didn't know you. Since she started coming to church she's heard of you but didn't really know what all had happened. Sister Mullins said Janice asked her the other day about what happened to you so she told her all about the day you died. She said it was the worst day of her life. She said she could remember every detail of that horrible day and that she misses you so much. I'm so glad she shared that with me. I need to know people haven't forgotten. I needed to hear how much you were loved. I needed to know I wasn't forgotten. We cried on the phone together and she told me she would come and set with me and hold a cold cloth on my forehead while I threw up cause I told her it was all making me sick and I needed to throw up. Before it was over she had me laughing and telling her I didn't want her or anyone else here with me if I was doing that. The crazy woman said then she would stand outside my bathroom door and yell I'm here for you but I can't hear you. I love that lady more than she will ever know. So the tears still flow but at least I know someone remembers and I'm reminded that there can still be laughter even in the tears. Maybe I'm crazy, but right now I don't care cause I needed it.

I love you Buddy, and I miss you so much!

Love, Mama

Wishing your Grandpa Outlaw a Happy Birthday today. Boys please tell him we love him and we miss him so much...especially your Dad. Help him celebrate big.

Love, Mama

Wishing our beautiful little sister Kayla a Happy Birthday today. We hope your day is as wonderful and as special as you are to us. May your hearts desire be yours today and always.

Love you forever,

B.J., Wayne & Buck

Oh Buddy, tonight at church Sister Bobbi gave me three pictures of you I had never seen. She had told me on Wednesday that she had them and asked me if I wanted them. Of course I did and I couldn't wait to get them. Oh but B.J. when I saw them my heart broke. They were taken when you were so puffy from the steroids you were on. I know you hated being that way. My heart was torn between being glad I got more pictures and yet not wanting to see you like that. And it was torn between wanting you here with me yet knowing you were healthy in Heaven and I would never want to put you through that again. Please forgive me Buddy for being so mixed up and torn. I just miss you so much...but I don't want you to be sick. Just know I love you Buddy, I always have and I always will.

Love, Mama

Hey Buddy, does the Lord drop braces from Heaven? I have to wonder. I went to the alter Sunday morning and told Brother Jeff I wanted prayer for me knee. Remember I hurt it last year during Thanksgiving weekend when we were working your grave? I told him it has hurt for almost a year and I'm ready for it to get well. Someone had told me recently that I needed to go to the doctor and get a knee support brace for it so it could heal but with our finances the way they are these days that isn't an option.

Well today Dad started to go back to work and he said "oh, I have something for you"! He went to his pickup and he brought me a knee support. I asked him where it came from and he said he didn't know...he found it in the back of his pickup yesterday. I had to laugh Buddy cause I know where it came from. I honestly believe it was a gift from the Lord...and answer to my prayer.

Love, Mama

Your little brother Johnathan dressed up as a Dentist for his PTO Program. I just wanted to share a picture of him with you.

Love, Mama

B.J. my friend Martha (Jason and Amanda's Mama) left this on a candle over on your Memory-of site. It's found in Hebrews 11:4. She said when she read it that it made her think of you. That just blesses my heart so much Buddy. You did have much faith and I'm so proud of you.

Love, Mama

My sweet Wayne and Buck, you remember Mama and Daddy gave care packages this past year in loving memory of you to be used in the hospital for other Mommy and Daddy's that suffered the loss of their baby? I found out last night that the Maternity Ward refused them and that makes me so sad. They will still be used if needed in the ER but still it just upsets me so much. I'm sorry babies, Mama feels like I somehow failed you and I didn't mean to.

I love you so much.

Love, Mama

Remembering your Grandpa Outlaw today. He's been gone 25 years too long. He was a good man, a hard working man, and he was loved by his family. I know many hearts are missing him today. It's so hard to believe that many years have gone by already. Give him big hugs for us boys.

Love, Mama

Forever loving and missing my sweet baby boys

Billy "Wayne" and Charles "Buck"

Outlaw

October 15th is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day across the world. We would like to invite you to take part in the global 'Wave of Light'. Simply light a candle at 7pm and leave it burning for at least 1 hour to join us in remembering all babies that have died during pregnancy at during or after birth.
This can be done individually or in a group at home or in a communal space. Wherever you do this you will be joining a global wave of light in memory of all the babies who lit up our lives for such a short time.

Setting aside such a day as October 15—Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day—becomes a most important step in a parent’s healing. This is a public acknowledgement of the grief that parents are holding deep within their hearts. This day allows parents to say “My loss was real. It hurts. I want to tell you about it. And I want to be able to grieve the fact that part of my life was taken away.”
Additional Details
More than 26000 women each year in the United States and 4.5 million worldwide will deliver a stillborn baby. The majority will never know why their babies died. Few will be offered adequate guidance on coping with the devastating loss of a child they never got to know.

Many parents who have suffered early child loss find great healing and comfort by coming together with others who have endured a similar loss and doing such things as reading a poem or letter written in memory of their baby. Others find it healing to release a balloon and use that as a ceremonial letting go of some of their grief in an attempt to move forward. Many find great comfort in giving their miscarried baby a name and having a memorial plaque made in memory of their child. Others find great comfort in going to a chapel and lighting a candle as a symbol of hope in memory of their child.

Aren't you proud of your little brother's Report card? I know you are and we are too.

Love, Mama

Wishing our beautiful little sister Sarah a Happy Sweet 16 Birthday. We hope your day is as wonderful and as special as you are to us. And may your hearts desire be yours today and always.

Happy Birthday Tag-A-Long!

Love, B.J.

Happy Birthday See-Tee!

Love, Wayne and Buck

B.J. 21 years ago today we started going to church. With all that has happened since then I'm so thankful we did. As hard as it's been having you gone my heart finds much comfort knowing you lived for the Lord and are now safe with Him. We know without doubt in our hearts that Wayne and Buck have been with Jesus all along. There's comfort in the knowing. I so look forward to the day that the rest of us join you...what a day that will be!

You know that was also the day I was filled with the Holy Ghost with the evidence of speaking in tongues and was baptized in the name of Jesus...Acts 2:38 So  in a way...today is your Mama's birthday!

Love, Mama

Buddy I saw Kayla last night and she told me about a little grandpa man she saw in the store yesterday. I want to share it with you as best as I can remember.  She said when he saw her and "little Mikey" coming towards him his face just lit up and he asked if he could see the baby? He was in one of those moterized shopping carts. She asked him if he would like to hold the baby and of course he did. She said Mama it was so sweet watching him. He was so happy to hold him. He called his little wife over and told her look Mama at this precious little one. Over and over he told Kayla how he so wish he could have another little one to hold. Kayla's heart was so touched by this little man that she didn't even know. She was just glowing when she told me about what took place.

This morning as I was thinking about it the tears started. I'm so proud of her for taking the time to let that little grandpa hold sweet Mikey. Such a sweet kindness I'm so proud of. Then I get started thinking about all of you kids and I'm reminded of the sweet spirits that all of you carry. Compassion is a part of all of you and I'm just so proud. I know I'm blessed and I'm thankful. Then I get started thinking about you B.J. and the kindness that you showed to so many and my tears just keep falling. I miss you so much. Your life was so short yet so full. I wish you didn't have to leave so soon. I think this morning I'm all mixed up and emotional. My tears of joy and sorrow have all mixed together and I don't know how to seperate them.

Love, Mama

Happy Birthday little man,

we love you!

Love, Uncle B.J., Uncle Wayne & Uncle Buck

School started back today B.J. I so wish you were here...

Love, Mama

Amanda and Chris got married today. I just wanted to put a picture of them here for you.

Love, Mama

We got to hold little Mikey for the first time today. He's so sweet. Thank you for sending the "Melodies from Heaven" again today...it let us know you went with us.

Love, Mama