Bobby Jack Outlaw II

Buddy tonight I went to my email and I got this letter from someone that just touched my heart in such a special way. I want to hold on to it forever so I'm putting it here for you. B.J. I was always so proud of you and I still am. Your life made a difference and it continues to. Thank you for being such a wonderful son...for being my son. I love you and miss you so much.

Please ask Jesus to touch and bless this family. I know their hearts are so broken. Thank you Buddy.

Love forever, Mama

Cindy, I have just read your website for your sons. I am so deeply moved by it. I couldn't stop reading it, even though I needed to get in the bed. And here I am emailing you. I felt like I couldn't wait until tomorrow. BJ's story just touched my heart so much. What a legacy. What a testimony. I don't know why things happen as they do, but what I do know is that God does not make mistakes, and everything that happens only happens because He allows it to happen. He is an Awesome God in spite of . Our pastor says this all the time. "God is good all the time, all the time God is good in spite of." I was so moved to hear of your son's faith and belief in the Lord Jesus Christ and his receiving salvation and being filled with the Holy Ghost. And as a young man, not being ashamed. What a wonderful, precious person BJ was. Thank you for sharing your story. I could feel your pain, your hurt, and sorrow. I could also feel the presence of the Lord thru your witnessing. I could feel the faith you have in God. I know BJ had more faith than a lot of "seasoned" Christians. "And a child shall lead them" "Unless we become as little children" Your story is an inspiration to me. We are going thru so much pain right now with the murder of my precious niece.The enemy would like to shake my faith, but I know greater is He that is in me. You said BJ liked Kirk Franklin. I do too. His song, "Now, Behold the Lamb" is so powerful. Cindy, I don't know why I've rambled on, but I feel a kinship to you thru the Holy Spirit. The things you wrote about how little stuff seemed to fall into place in the weeks before he passed, I know exactly what you meant. I want to visit your site again when I have more time. I have to get in the bed soon. Thanks for listening. Jo Ann ( Leah Avril's aunt)

My sweet Wayne and Buck. Remember when I told you that Daddy and I gave money to put together gift boxes in your memory for the families that lost their babies? Well today a cousin of mine Sherri) sent me a note sayng she knows someone that got one of the packages. Here is here note...

Cindy I wanted to let you know that you & Bobby  made a difference in someone's life. A lady that works for me her name is Ira. Her daughter went into labor and delivered her baby way to early. She received one of ya'lls memory boxes. I am friends with her and her family. When I saw the box I was able to tell her about ya'll and about the kids that it was in memory of. Just wanted ya'll to know that the memory box really helped her.

I'm so sorry others have to suffer this kind of loss but I'm thankful that your memories live on through the gifts we gave. I sure love and miss you my sweet boys.

Love Mama

Happy Birthday boys, I love you both so much. I sure wish you were here. I know you'll have a wonderful day in Heaven though so I'll let that comfort my heart.

Love you both forever and always, Mama

Morning Will Come

Brokenhearted...

How can I bear the pain?

So many dreams...shattered.

Hopes...dashed.

All gone.

Why?

Why this?

Why us? Why me?

Helplessness...hopelessness...

Life will never be the same again.

Is it even worth living?

Where are you, God?

I'm right here beside you child.

Even though you may not feel my presence,

I'm holding you close under the shadow of my wings.

I will walk you through this dark night.

Do not shrink from weeping.

I gave you tears for emotional release.

Don't try to hide your grief.

Let it become for you a source of healing.

A process of restoration,

For I have planned it so.

Those who mourn shall be blessed,

I'll be holding on to you,

Even when you feel you can't hold on to me.

Seek my face, my child of mine.

Receive my promise, impossible as it may seem now,

That joy will come in the morning.

It may take much time,

But I will heal your broken heart.

I know the night seems endless,

But Morning Will Come.

I have promised.

~~From the Haven of Rest Newsletter

I got this poem given to me at my support meeting the other night and there is a reason for my sharing it.
 
Yesterday was the first time since you left us B.J. that the sun shone in my world. I've had days that were "better" than others but never have I felt what I felt yesterday. It was like dark clouds rolled away and the sun shone bright on me. I can't even begin to explain what it was like. All I know is I told Sarah that I felt so good that it was almost sending me into shock. I felt true joy again...complete joy. It's still with me today. Then I remembered this poem and I think that is what has happened...my Morning Has Come. I still miss you and your little brothers  just as much but something is different. A heaviness has lifted and I honestly feel like life is worth living again. It's been such a long hard road. I know the sadness will come again...I'm human and I want you boys with me. But I believe from this point on things will be different for me. I believe I'll have many more days of sun shine instead of darkness.
I've claimed the Lord's promises for a long time even when I didn't feel it even a little bit because I know it's not about what I feel but about his word being truth.
I don't even feel guilt for feeling better because if the healing has come from the Lord there is no reason for guilt. And besides, I know you boys know what you mean to me and know how much I love and miss you. Healing of a broken heart has nothing to do with those things.
Tell Jesus thank you for me. And my heart tells me that you three boys probably had something to do with it so thank you to you too. I love you all so much.

Love, Mama

Happy Birthday Mama!

We love you so much.

Love, your Butter B.J.

and your bitty boys Wayne and Buck

Amanda and their family came today and we had Christmas dinner and afterwards opened presents. I sure wish you were here. I miss you so much. Kayla called to wish us all a Merry Christmas. This is the first one that she hasn't been home for...we sure miss her too.

I hope you like the flower arrangement Johnathan and I brought out to your grave. I think it's pretty. We brought you some more tamales and Dad brought you a Dr Pepper. I hope they made you smile.

It sure is cold today with the snow we've had. I wish you were here to see Sarah and Johnathan play in it. Can you see them from there? I hope so.

Merry Christmas in Heaven...I love you.

Love Mama

Buddy for days now I've been having flashbacks of the days you were on dialysis and of that horrible life support machine. I'm not sure why that is happening. Maybe it's to remind me that you're well now but that's not helping much. All I know is you were here then and I wish you still were. I don't want you to be sick...I never wanted that. I just wish you could be here with me. I miss you so much. It makes me sick...and so angry!

Love, Mama

The Legend of the Candy Cane

A candy maker in Indiana wanted to make a candy that would remind people of the true meaning of Christmas; so he made the candy cane to incorporate several symbols for the birth, ministry, and death of Jesus Christ. He began with a stick of pure white, hard candy. White to symbolize the Virgin Birth and the sinless nature of Jesus, and hard to symbolize the Solid Rock, the foundation of the Church, and the firmness of the promises of God.

The candymaker then shaped his cane into the form of a "J" to represent the precious name of Jesus, who came to the earth as Savior. It could also represent the staff of the "Good Shepherd" with which He reaches down to to reclaim the fallen lambs who, like sheep, have gone astray.

Thinking that the candy was somewhat plain, the candymaker stained it with red stripes. He used three small stripes to show the stripes of the scourging Jesus received. The large red stripe was for the blood shed by Christ on the cross so that we could have the promise of eternal life.

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Boys it's because of what Jesus did for us that I can be assured of where you are and that I will be with you again someday. For that I'm so very thankful.

Love, Mama

Tonight we will light a candle for each one of you boys. I wish you were here instead but we do this to let you know we remember and we hold you close in our hearts always.

Love, Mama

Here's Sarah singing the song Light A Candle by Avalon. Didn't she do wonderful? We're sure proud of her.

Boys...this is yall's little brother and sister...Johnathan and Sarah. Need I say more? And Buddy, notice the shirt Johnathan has on. Remember your PacMan shirt? He has about worn it out!

Love, Mama

Buddy a couple of years ago Ravel had recorded Johnathan buried in the rocks. I just recently got the video given to me and Sarah made it where I could put it here. Isn't it funny?

Love, Mama

Buddy I came home from church to get lunch ready and someone had spilled something in my kitchen floor so I grabbed the mop and mopped the floor and started getting lunch ready. I opened a jar of picante sauce and headed to the microwave to get something out of it and slipped on the wet floor and fell down. I twisted my bad knee and ankle and hurt the toes on that foot. I twisted my other ankle. I twisted my bad arm...elbow and shoulder and twisted my back too. So I'm sitting in the middle of the kitchen floor in pain and covered down the front of me in picante sauce...and it's all over my fresh mopped floor as well. Needless to say I was home alone so there was no one to help me up or to clean up the new mess I made. Well I'm up now and the mess is clean but my body hurts and the tension in my neck is terrible. Not a good day here...I think I'll go to bed. Please ask Jesus to touch and heal me.

Love, Mama

Today I googled the song I have playing on your site to see if I could find the words to it. It's Only God Knows by Craig Crowder and I'm using it with permission from him...he's someone I know personally. Anyway I found where someone posted it on their facebook and said you boys were Craig Crowders...even wrote your names B.J., Wayne and Buck. They said he understood lose because he lost 3 sons and has memory sites for them. They even posted my signature from the forum and changed it to look like it was him that wrote it. I am beyond mad! I'm angry, I'm hurt and my blood pressure is up. How dare someone give my boys away!

Please ask Jesus to help me...

Love, Mama

Boys I wanted to come back to this and tell you that the person that did this emailed me and it was just a terrible mistake. She had misunderstood and I got upset. We got it worked out now and it's in the past where it belongs. I've forgiven her and I hope in turn she will forgive me.

Love, Mama

Buddy I'm a few days late at getting this here but I wanted it here anyway. On Sunday you know the Thornhill's were down. Well Sister Thornhill sang this song and it ministered to me so much. I told her after church that I would like to have the words to it and she told me that she had sang it with me in mind. Aww that makes it even more special to me. I miss you B.J. but we both know the Lord has been good to me...I just need to remember.

Love, Mama

B.J. Shules is entering some kind of contest for new Christmas songs and he wanted to write one that isn't what someone else has already written so he did and he did it in memory of you. It can be applied to the lose of anyone we love but my heart is touched because it was written in your memory. I wanted to share the words with you. The first part is sang only once and the rest is sang twice...it's beautiful and it made me cry when I went over to their house tonight so he could sing it for me.

Buddy you made such an impact in the lives of so many people. And as Brother Mullins told me tonight...you still are even when you're in heaven.

Love Mama



One For The Hurt
In loving memory of the shortest friendship I ever had. RIP BJ Outlaw
~Shules Hersh

O Come all ye Faithful dashing through the snow
Come hear The First Noel laughing as you go
While shepherds kept their watching all around this silent night
A Holly Jolly Christmas has filled our dreams with white
Go Tell It On The Mountain I'll Be Home for Christmas true
And the elves in Santa's workshop will be working all night through
Magical music merrily rings 'round the hearth where eyes are all aglow
But no one is singing for the ones who are clinging to memories of moments long ago

So this one's for the hurt ones
Who walk among us all
Who will try this Yuletide Season
To bravely deck the halls
Who will sit beneath the mistletoe
And miss someone to kiss
Who will pray for grace to make it through
And smile for someone else

God bless you this Happy Christmas!
May you find some peace on earth
May you find the faith to witness
A little Hope at it's birth

After all the other songs
Merry carolers have sung
Lift your voices everyone
And sing one for the hurt ones.

Blessings,

 

Shules Hersh

You will never see your ship come in if you never send your ship to sea. (2 Cor 9:6)