Bobby Jack Outlaw II

We took the kids fishing on Memorial Day. Johnathan caught two fish, a little one and a big one. When we tried to take pictures of Johnathan holding them he was scared. I'll explain "why" under the pictures.

Johnathan was afraid to hold his little fish so I had to hold it first to show him it wouldn't hurt him. I couldn't understand why he was so afraid of it...I found out later.

When I tried to get him to hold this big fish he wasn't just afraid of it he was terrified. Again I had to help him hold it at first to show him he didn't have to be afraid. Again I wondered why...

So then he's holding it and it starts moving...look at the look on his face! He has the same look as his fish. lol I had to take the fish and he had blood on his hand from the fish and he freaked out and started running and screaming wanting it washed off.

When he got ready for bed that night he told me Mom...you remember when I was afraid of those fish...I said yes. He said it's cause when I caught the first little one Dad told me I had to be careful of those poky things (fins) because if I let them cut me I would have to go to the hospital. And then when I held the big one and saw the blood I ...thought it was me bleeding. I told him but Johnathan you didn't feel any pain. He said well I didn't know if you were suppose to feel pain or not...all I know is I thought I was bleeding and Dad said I would have to go the the hospital. Oh my!!! He took Dad too serious...poor little guy.
So I go ask Daddy about it and he said yes he told him that but he didn't think he took him that serious. But he said when Johnathan caught the big one and it was flopping in the boat Johnathan dove to the other end to get away from it and was yelling over and over "protect me Jesus"! I felt bad for him...he needed to be careful but not be terrified. So now Mama has explained and I don't think we'll have this problem next time.

The angels came and ushered me into God's presence, dear mama.

They carried me like you did when I would fall asleep.

I awoke into the arms of Jesus,

the One who gave His life for me!

It's so beautiful up here, mama;

so beautiful like you've always said!

A pure river of life, clear as crystal forever flowing,

proceeding out of the throne of God.

So overwhelmed with His love was I, dear mama!

Imagine my joy seeing Jesus face to face!

His smile so warm...

His face so radiant...

"Welcome home My child!" He tenderly said.

Oh, don't be sad for me, mama.

I can run and jump and

dance and sing!

I feel so light on my feet like I'm dreaming, mama!

Sometimes I laugh as I dance in the presence of the angels.

The curse of death has lost its sting.

Oh, don't cry for me so, mama.

Your teardrops fall like the summer rain.

Death is sorrowful with its separation.

Cry for a while, but not as those in vain.

Although God called me home so early,

with so many dreams we had, so many songs unsung.

I'll be in your heart, in your cherished memories.

The moments we had will carry you through.

Remember when at bedtime I'd crawl up in your bed?

You would tell me stories of Jesus and the love for us He had.

I looked into your face as you read to me in the candlelight.

"Will the angels come to carry me home too, mama?"

You chuckled teasingly, ruffling my hair.

"Yes, my little angel, but you have to wait!

Trust Him as your Savior,

in His blood that was shed for you."

On bended knees you prayed for me,

a tear splashed down your cheek.

"Was that a tear mama?" I asked you softly.

You looked away from me.

A tender sigh escaped your lips

gathering your thoughts together...

" Yes, my little angel, tears in my heart water my prayers."

you said softly, kissing me goodnight.

That night when you prayed for me

I got down on my knees.

The moonlight danced on the wooden floors

when I asked God to save me.

Happy Birthday Buddy. What I'd give if you could only be here. I'm making two Chocolate Pudding Pies for your birthday cause Sarah says one isn't enough. I sure wish you were here to help us eat them. I hope you're having some in Heaven today...tell Jesus to let you as a birthday gift from your Mama ok.

I love you so much, Mama

Forever loving and missing my boys...I sure wish you were here.

Love, Mama

What Makes a Mother?

What Makes A Mother
I thought of you and closed my eyes
And prayed to God today,
I asked, "What makes a Mother?"
And I know I heard him say:
A Mother has a baby,
This we know is true
But, God, can you be a mother
When your baby's not with you?
Yes, you can, he replied
With confidence in his voice,
I give many women babies,
When they leave it is not their choice.
Some I send for a lifetime,
And others for the day,
And some I send to feel your womb,
But there's no need to stay.
I just don't understand this God,
I want my baby here.
He took a breath,
and cleared his throat,
And then I saw a tear.
I wish I could show you,
What your child is doing Here...
If you could see your child smile
With other children and say,
"We go to earth to learn our lessons
of love and life and fear,
but My mommy loved me so much
I got to come straight here!"
I feel so lucky to have a Mom

who had so much love for me,
I learned my lessons very quickly,
My Mommy set me free.
I miss my Mommy oh so much
But I visit her each day.
When she goes to sleep,
On her pillow is where I lay.
I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek,
And whisper in her ear,
"Mommy, Please don't be sad today,
I'm your baby and I am here"
So you see my dear sweet one,
Your children are okay.
Your babies are here in My home,
And this is where they'll stay.
They'll wait for you with Me,
Until your lessons there are through,
And on the day that you come home,
they'll be at the gates waiting for you
So now you see
What makes a Mother,
It's the feeling in your heart,
It's the love you had so much of
Right from the very start.

Author Unknown

In loving memory of my sweet Wayne and Buck. Today was your actual due date 24 years ago but you came too early on Jan. 26,1986 and did not survive. I love you and miss you so much.

Love, Mama

I think there are some things that I'm just never going to handle well. Your Dad went to the doctor this week for his checkup and they said his blood pressure was up some and they want him to check it twice a week for a while to watch it. So...that means we had to bring out your blood pressure monitor. I didn't much like the idea but it's needed so I was ok with it...I thought. I run to the store and buy new batteries for it and get it ready...and then it hits me. We bought that for you B.J. after you had your transplant (7 years ago next week). It's still almost new as for as use. I'm angry! I don't want you sick B.J. but I want you here. It's been too long and it's not fair. I miss you so much.

Love, Mama

Well boys your little brother played his first game and the other team won 3-1 but it sure was fun watching them play. Doesn't Johnathan look so cute in his little uniform?

Love, Mama

Well your little brother played his first scrimage in baseball today against the other Goldthwaite team. The other team won but it was sure a lot of fun to watch. I hope you were watching him play...I sure wish you were here. His first real game is this Thursday the 29th and he'll be playing against the same team again.

Love, Mama

Oh Buddy the two engine train that came by during Johnathan's baseball practice today was great! I know you were letting us know you were there to watch him...thank you.

He's got his uniform now...he's playing for the White Sox team. I'm leaving you a picture of him here. His first game is Saturday morning...be sure and be there!

Love, Mama

Boys I spent time outside this evening raking old pecans out of the yard. Your little brother decided to prove he is already a true "Outlaw". He was on top of an old refrigerator on the back porch shooting at the pecans "I" was raking up with his BB Gun. That silly boy...he keeps my life interesting to say the least. It was nice being outside and thank goodness he didn't miss his targets and get me.  
Of course I threatened him but that's beside the point.

I know you three were probably watching and having a great time laughing...you're little brother is a nut! But I love him just like I love all three of yall.

Love, Mama

I know life isn't always as grand as we would like it to be, but it does not change the fact that we can still celebrate the things we have experienced in life. This morning after Luthien woke up I wanted to spend a little more time with him. All of a sudden the song Father Abraham popped into my head. I started singing and soon after Sean joined in and soon we were all dancing to a silly kids song. It brought back so many memories and I had to laugh. I know you are not with us anymore but we can still rejoice in the life that you did have, and in a way you still have. My mind went back to the time when you were about 13 years old and you had tried to jump rope. You had never gotten the hang of it but you were very determined. You had it down for about 6 seconds before you lost control and bam, you faceplanted into the carpet. It was so funny and still thinking about it makes me laugh. Of course you werent hurt or anything so no worries there. I do miss you so much, but it makes me happy that I still can smile when I think about you and the life you had that still has an impact on so many to this day.