Today Elijah Bug had his award program for PreK and Johnathan had his for 4th grade. Oh how I wish you were here.Love, Mama
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| Mama | The Awards Ceremony | May 24, 2012 |
Today Elijah Bug had his award program for PreK and Johnathan had his for 4th grade. Oh how I wish you were here.Love, Mama
| Mama | Senior 2012 | May 20, 2012 |
Today was Sarah's Baccalareate...sure wish you were here. Love, Mama
| Mama | Happy Birthday from the Mullins Family 5/17/2012 | May 20, 2012 |
B.J. I got this from Sis. Mullins on your birthday and then they sent the beautiful flowers too. It all means so much to me I wanted to put it into a graphic to keep for always...♥
Happy Birthday BJ! I Remember when I gave you this dollar ...and told you to keep it forever to remember me, well you kept it as long as you could and now Mom has given it back to me. And it and this beautiful rose you made me and the dolphin windchime you brought me from Galveston are some of my favorite treasures. Gone too soon from this world but carried always in our hearts and memories.
5/17/84-12/1/03
Happy Birthday BJ! I Remember when I gave you this dollar ...and told you to keep it forever to remember me, well you kept it as long as you could and now Mom has given it back to me. And it and this beautiful rose you made me and the dolphin windchime you brought me from Galveston are some of my favorite treasures. Gone too soon from this world but carried always in our hearts and memories.
5/17/84-12/1/03
| Mama | Happy 28th Birthday B.J. 5/17/2012 | May 17, 2012 |
Happy Birthday B.J. Oh how I wish you were here...we miss you so much. Here's your chocolate pudding pie I made you. I sure wish you were here to help us enjoy it.Love, Mama
| Mama | Love Notes to Heaven 5/15/2012 | May 15, 2012 |
B.J. I love you and miss you so much. Oh how I wish you were still here or that Jesus would hurry and call us all home in the rapture. Life just keeps going and I miss you more and more. Your birthday is coming on Thursday. Oh I wish I could spend it with you. It's hard to believe you would be turning 28 now. Happy Birthday...I know it'll be wonderful for you in Heaven. Make sure your little brothers help you celebrate big. I'll be making a chocolate pudding pie for you like you always wanted. I just wish you could eat it with us.
Buddy I know I need to trust Jesus but I sure can't understand why he called you home instead of healing you and letting you stay here. Please remember I love you and I miss you and I'll see you just as soon as the Lord will let me. Give Wayne and Buck a hug for me and tell them I love and miss them too.
I hope you like your balloon.
Love forever, Mama
Sweet Wayne and Buck I love and miss you both so much. How I long for the day that I get to see you. I can't help but wonder what you would be like now. Please know I love you and I'll see you just as soon as Jesus will let me.
Be sure and help B.J. celebrate big for his birthday on Thursday and tell him I said happy birthday and give him a hug and tell him I love and miss him so much.
Be sure and help B.J. celebrate big for his birthday on Thursday and tell him I said happy birthday and give him a hug and tell him I love and miss him so much.
I hope y'all like your balloons.
Love forever, Mama
| B.J., Wayne and Buck | Happy Mother's Day Mama...We Love You! 5/13/2012 | May 13, 2012 |
| Mama | For my sweet Wayne and Buck...♥ 5/8/2012 | May 8, 2012 |
Sweet boys if Mama had carried you full term chances are today would have been your birthday as it's the day you were due 26 years ago. I'm so sorry I had you too soon. I wanted you so much. I miss you every day and long for the day we can be together again.Love you forever, Mama
| Mama | It's a girl! 5/7/2012 | May 7, 2012 |
Lala just told me her baby is a girl!!!
| Mama | What If You Were Me? 5/7/2012 | May 7, 2012 |
What If You Were Me?
What if you were me?
What if you were my husband?
What if you were the Mom or Dad of 7 beautiful
children and you now have 3 of them living in Heaven?
Would the remaining 4 take the place of the 3 that were gone?
What if it were Mother's Day and your heart was breaking
because you can't spend it with all your children?
What if it was Father's Day and you couldn't?
What if it was their birthday and you long to spend
it with them but you can't?
What if it were any holiday and they weren't there?
What if you want so badly to hear their name spoken
but you only hear silence?
What if years went by and you miss them more than ever
yet most think it's time you get over it?
What if you were the one that gets chosen to cry yourself
to sleep every night?
What if every area of your life was touched by grief and you
were the one that felt so out of control?
What if you wanted to feel better and live life the way
you once did and you couldn't figure out how to do that?
What if you were the one that saw your child's friends grow
up and have families and all you had were memories?
"If" is a big word isn't it?
What if you were me?
What if you were my husband?
What if you were the Mom or Dad of 7 beautiful
children and you now have 3 of them living in Heaven?
Would the remaining 4 take the place of the 3 that were gone?
What if it were Mother's Day and your heart was breaking
because you can't spend it with all your children?
What if it was Father's Day and you couldn't?
What if it was their birthday and you long to spend
it with them but you can't?
What if it were any holiday and they weren't there?
What if you want so badly to hear their name spoken
but you only hear silence?
What if years went by and you miss them more than ever
yet most think it's time you get over it?
What if you were the one that gets chosen to cry yourself
to sleep every night?
What if every area of your life was touched by grief and you
were the one that felt so out of control?
What if you wanted to feel better and live life the way
you once did and you couldn't figure out how to do that?
What if you were the one that saw your child's friends grow
up and have families and all you had were memories?
"If" is a big word isn't it?
| Mama | Another Butterfly 5/5/2012 | May 7, 2012 |
Another brown butterfly decided to stay hanging around at 'lil Antonio's birthday party in the park. I took a couple of pictures of it in my hand but they didn't turn out because my cell phone camera has a mind of it's on. But I did get a couple of good ones anyway.
| Mama | Your Rock 5/5/2012 | May 7, 2012 |
B.J. I think I may be the only person that could possibly find comfort in a rock but Buddy you know why I do and I'm glad that rock was where it was at 'lil Antonio's birthday party...I know it was meant for me to see.
| Mama | Dr Pepper Bottle Caps 5/4/2012 | May 7, 2012 |
Lala made me this awesome little pin out of Dr Pepper bottle caps and put your picture in it. I absolutely love it.♥ The picture is blurry because it was taken with my cell phone but it still lets you see it.
| Mama | My special sign from you B.J. 4/28/2012 | April 28, 2012 |
B.J. your name on the trees at the park today was perfect...thank you Buddy. Love you boys bunches. Love, Mama
| Mama | Brown Butterfly at Church 4/22/2012 | April 22, 2012 |
Thank you Buddy for sending me the brown butterfly at church tonight. It was perfect timing again. Love, Mama
| Cindy Outlaw | The Fallen Tree...1/4/12 | April 16, 2012 |
One night at church Brother Lingle told a story about a pecan tree that was growing by the bank of a creek. He said as time went by the water washed the dirt out from under the tree and the day came that it finally fell over and landed across the creek. It then served as a bridge for small animals to cross over the creek on. But the story didn't end there. He said as time went by the branches that were under the water turned and began to grow upwards towards the sun. The tree still had roots that were growing deep into the edge of the bank. It continued to live and produce pecans in their season because of those roots that ran deep. Even though the water had caused it to fall down...it did not give up...it kept growing and kept producing...it still had a purpose. Then he told us that there were those that have faced hard battles and have been knocked down and we just can't seem to get back up...just like the tree couldn't. But...he reminded us that we could still grow and bring about good things even if we couldn't get up. Life does not have to be over. There can still be much good if we don't give up.
It made me think of my grief. When we lost you boys it knocked down and I know I will never be the same as I was before. But...I have not given up. I thought I had. I have been in a place where I didn't think I belonged anywhere. A dark place...a place of little or no hope. A place I don't like to admit being...a place I've hated being. While that much is true...I realized as he was preaching that I have continued to grow and produce and I like to think that in some small way at least...that I have been a part of bringing about good things in not only my life but in the lives of others.
I know this heartache will never be completely healed...not this side of Heaven anyway. But I believe with all my heart that one day (if the Lord tarries) I will be truly happy again. Not happy as the world knows...but a joy that runs deep in my heart and soul like the roots of that tree. A joy that will be stronger than the grief. A joy that my boys would want for me.
I'm so thankful for the message Brother Lingle preached last night. I'm going to do my best to keep it in my heart and keep reminding myself that there is still life in me...that there is still purpose to my being here.
Mama won't ever stop loving you and I will never stop missing you. I know you know that. But I do want to find joy again. I want to live instead of just exist. Please ask Jesus to continue to help me.
Love you forever and always, Mama
It made me think of my grief. When we lost you boys it knocked down and I know I will never be the same as I was before. But...I have not given up. I thought I had. I have been in a place where I didn't think I belonged anywhere. A dark place...a place of little or no hope. A place I don't like to admit being...a place I've hated being. While that much is true...I realized as he was preaching that I have continued to grow and produce and I like to think that in some small way at least...that I have been a part of bringing about good things in not only my life but in the lives of others.
I know this heartache will never be completely healed...not this side of Heaven anyway. But I believe with all my heart that one day (if the Lord tarries) I will be truly happy again. Not happy as the world knows...but a joy that runs deep in my heart and soul like the roots of that tree. A joy that will be stronger than the grief. A joy that my boys would want for me.
I'm so thankful for the message Brother Lingle preached last night. I'm going to do my best to keep it in my heart and keep reminding myself that there is still life in me...that there is still purpose to my being here.
Mama won't ever stop loving you and I will never stop missing you. I know you know that. But I do want to find joy again. I want to live instead of just exist. Please ask Jesus to continue to help me.
Love you forever and always, Mama
| Mama | Brown Butterfly | April 14, 2012 |
Thank you Buddy for the brown butterfly today. I thought it was so cool how it followed me into the house and then I let it outside just so later it could come and land on my arm. I love you and miss you so much and it was such a perfect sign from you.Love, Mama
| Mama | Easter 2012 | April 8, 2012 |
Happy Easter boys, I love you and I miss you and I so wish you were here.
Love, Mama
Love, Mama
| Mama | My Mind Drifted Back 4/4/2012 | April 5, 2012 |
Tonight while in church my mind drifted back to the night Jesus called you home and the days leading up to your funeral. B.J. I prayed so hard and with all the faith I had in me that Jesus would heal you and allow you to stay here with us but for reasons I don't guess I'll ever understand He said no. But Buddy not once after you died did I pray that he would raise you back up and breath life back into you to live here. B.J. I just couldn't do that. As much as I wanted you here with me I couldn't ask Him to bring you back after you had already reached Heaven...I knew you wouldn't want to come back even though I knew you didn't want all of us to hurt either. B.J. that doesn't make me a bad Mama does it? I never wanted anything but the best for you. I always wanted you to have good health...I watched you struggle since the age of one with bad health...I knew when the Lord called your name you were completely healed...how could I even consider taking that away from you when all your life it's what I had asked for? It just didn't happen the way I had wanted it to. My heart tells me you understand what I'm saying and why I couldn't do it. You know I would have given my very life for you...for any one of you kids. I just miss you B.J. More than these simple words can say. And I love you so much.
Love, Mama
| Mama | Sarah's Senior Prom 3/31/2012 | April 5, 2012 |
Tonight was your 'lil sisters Senior Prom. Didn't she look beautiful?
| Mama | Happy St Patrick's Day 3/17/2012 | March 17, 2012 |
Happy St Patrick's Day boys, I love you! Love, Mama
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