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B.J.'s LegacySpecial Memories of ...Special Memories of ...Special Memories of ...Wayne and BuckMama's PoemsMama and DaddyAmandaKaylaSarahJohnathanElijah (nephew)Ian (nephew)
 
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Воспоминания
Mama What If You Were Me? 5/7/2012 May 7, 2012
 
What If You Were Me?

What if you were me?

What if you were my husband?

What if you were the Mom or Dad of 7 beautiful

children and you now have 3 of them living in Heaven?

Would the remaining 4 take the place of the 3 that were gone?

What if it were Mother's Day and your heart was breaking

because you can't spend it with all your children?

What if it was Father's Day and you couldn't?

What if it was their birthday and you long to spend

it with them but you can't?

What if it were any holiday and they weren't there?

What if you want so badly to hear their name spoken

but you only hear silence?

What if years went by and you miss them more than ever

yet most think it's time you get over it?

What if you were the one that gets chosen to cry yourself

to sleep every night?

What if every area of your life was touched by grief and you

were the one that felt so out of control?

What if you wanted to feel better and live life the way

you once did and you couldn't figure out how to do that?

What if you were the one that saw your child's friends grow

up and have families and all you had were memories?

"If" is a big word isn't it?
Mama Another Butterfly 5/5/2012 May 7, 2012
 
Another brown butterfly decided to stay hanging around at 'lil Antonio's birthday party in the park. I took a couple of pictures of it in my hand but they didn't turn out because my cell phone camera has a mind of it's on. But I did get a couple of good ones anyway.Laughing
Mama Your Rock 5/5/2012 May 7, 2012
 
B.J. I think I may be the only person that could possibly find comfort in a rock but Buddy you know why I do and I'm glad that rock was where it was at 'lil Antonio's birthday party...I know it was meant for me to see.Tongue Out
Mama Dr Pepper Bottle Caps 5/4/2012 May 7, 2012
 
Lala made me this awesome little pin out of Dr Pepper bottle caps and put your picture in it. I absolutely love it.♥ The picture is blurry because it was taken with my cell phone but it still lets you see it.
Mama My special sign from you B.J. 4/28/2012 April 28, 2012
 
B.J. your name on the trees at the park today was perfect...thank you Buddy. Love you boys bunches.
Love, Mama
Mama Brown Butterfly at Church 4/22/2012 April 22, 2012
 
Thank you Buddy for sending me the brown butterfly at church tonight. It was perfect timing again. Love, Mama
Cindy Outlaw The Fallen Tree...1/4/12 April 16, 2012
 
One night at church Brother Lingle told a story about a pecan tree that was growing by the bank of a creek. He said as time went by the water washed the dirt out from under the tree and the day came that it finally fell over and landed across the creek. It then served as a bridge for small animals to cross over the creek on. But the story didn't end there. He said as time went by the branches that were under the water turned and began to grow upwards towards the sun. The tree still had roots that were growing deep into the edge of the bank. It continued to live and produce pecans in their season because of those roots that ran deep. Even though the water had caused it to fall down...it did not give up...it kept growing and kept producing...it still had a purpose. Then he told us that there were those that have faced hard battles and have been knocked down and we just can't seem to get back up...just like the tree couldn't. But...he reminded us that we could still grow and bring about good things even if we couldn't get up. Life does not have to be over. There can still be much good if we don't give up.
It made me think of my grief. When we lost you boys it knocked down and I know I will never be the same as I was before. But...I have not given up. I thought I had. I have been in a place where I didn't think I belonged anywhere. A dark place...a place of little or no hope. A place I don't like to admit being...a place I've hated being. While that much is true...I realized as he was preaching that I have continued to grow and produce and I like to think that in some small way at least...that I have been a part of bringing about good things in not only my life but in the lives of others.
I know this heartache will never be completely healed...not this side of Heaven anyway. But I believe with all my heart that one day (if the Lord tarries) I will be truly happy again. Not happy as the world knows...but a joy that runs deep in my heart and soul like the roots of that tree. A joy that will be stronger than the grief. A joy that my boys would want for me.
I'm so thankful for the message Brother Lingle preached last night. I'm going to do my best to keep it in my heart and keep reminding myself that there is still life in me...that there is still purpose to my being here.
Mama won't ever stop loving you and I will never stop missing you. I know you know that. But I do want to find joy again. I want to live instead of just exist. Please ask Jesus to continue to help me.
Love you forever and always, Mama
Mama Brown Butterfly April 14, 2012
 
Thank you Buddy for the brown butterfly today. I thought it was so cool how it followed me into the house and then I let it outside just so later it could come and land on my arm. I love you and miss you so much and it was such a perfect sign from you.
Love, Mama
Mama Easter 2012 April 8, 2012
 
Happy Easter boys, I love you and I miss you and I so wish you were here.
Love, Mama
Mama My Mind Drifted Back 4/4/2012 April 5, 2012
 

Tonight while in church my mind drifted back to the night Jesus called you home and the days leading up to your funeral. B.J. I prayed so hard and with all the faith I had in me that Jesus would heal you and allow you to stay here with us but for reasons I don't guess I'll ever understand He said no. But Buddy not once after you died did I pray that he would raise you back up and breath life back into you to live here. B.J. I just couldn't do that. As much as I wanted you here with me I couldn't ask Him to bring you back after you had already reached Heaven...I knew you wouldn't want to come back even though I knew you didn't want all of us to hurt either. B.J. that doesn't make me a bad Mama does it? I never wanted anything but the best for you. I always wanted you to have good health...I watched you struggle since the age of one with bad health...I knew when the Lord called your name you were completely healed...how could I even consider taking that away from you when all your life it's what I had asked for? It just didn't happen the way I had wanted it to. My heart tells me you understand what I'm saying and why I couldn't do it. You know I would have given my very life for you...for any one of you kids. I just miss you B.J. More than these simple words can say. And I love you so much.
Love, Mama

Mama Sarah's Senior Prom 3/31/2012 April 5, 2012
 
Tonight was your 'lil sisters Senior Prom. Didn't she look beautiful?
Mama Happy St Patrick's Day 3/17/2012 March 17, 2012
 
Happy St Patrick's Day boys, I love you!
Love, Mama
B.J., Wayne and Buck Happy 29th Birthday Amanda! 3/3/2012 March 3, 2012
 
Happy Birthday Amanda, we love you!
Love, B.J., Wayne and Buck
Mama Happy Valentine's Day Wayne and Buck 2/14/12 February 14, 2012
 
I love you both so much!
Love, Mama
Mama Happy Valentine's Day B.J. 2/14/12 February 14, 2012
 
I love you so much!
Love, Mama
Cindy Outlaw Sarah said yes...2/2/2012 February 3, 2012
 
Well boys your little sister Sarah is growing up. Last night Melvin asked her to marry him and she said yes. Oh how I wish you were here.
Love, Mama
Cindy Outlaw You're Uncles Again 1/30/2012 February 3, 2012
 
Well boys you're going to be Uncles again. Kayla told us Monday that her and David are expecting a little one...due on Sept. 28, 2012. Oh how I wish you were here!
Love, Mama
Mama Happy 26th Birthday Wayne and Buck January 26, 2012
 
Happy 26th Birthday Wayne and Buck. I love you and miss you so much. Oh how I wish I could spend it with you. Make sure Bubba helps you celebrate big and all three of you boys hug each other for me.
Love, Mama
B.J., Wayne and Buck Happy Birthday Mama 1/19/2012 January 19, 2012
 
Happy Birthday Mama, we love you so much. We know you wish we coud be there with you. Please know we are...just close your eyes and you'll feel us with you always.
Love, B.J., Wayne and Buck
Mama Lala's getting married...12/31/11 January 5, 2012
 
David asked Kayla to marry him right before midnight on New Years Eve. She's so happy and I'm happy for her. I just wish you were here.
Love, Mama
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